Popular jokes (26221 to 26235)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Business One-liners 112
Galbraith's Law of Human Nature: Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everybody gets busy on the proof.
Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics: 1. An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction. 2. An object at rest will always be in the wrong place. 3. The energy required to change either one of these states will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so much as to make the task totally impossible.
Gilb's Laws Of Unreliability: 1) At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer. 2) Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable. 3) Udetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited. 4) Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some useful work done.
Ginsberg's Theorem: 1. You can't win. 2. You can't break even. 3. You can't even quit the game.
Glib's Fourth Law of Unreliability: Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some useful work done.
Glyme's Formula for Success: The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.
Goebel's Law Of Useless Difficulty: Just because it's hard, doesn't mean it's worth the effort.
“When his wife demand...
“When his wife demanded that he give up polo, he decided to chukker.”
Really funny jokes-Morty the producer
Morty goes to the monitor and sees scenes of heaven where people are quietly floating on clouds and playing harps in serene bliss. Morty turns to Sid and says "Well that's nice. Pretty boring but nice. What's Hell like?"
Sid tells him to look at the other monitor. Morty does and sees scenes of young people having sex and dancing and smoking and drinking and laughing and singing and generally having a great time.
"This is great!" says Morty. "I think I'll try Hell." Sid directs him to the elevator and instructs him to push the down arrow. Morty does so and waits for the elevator to take him to hell.
When the car stops at hell the doors spring open. Morty looks around from the elevator doorway and is shocked at what he sees. Everywhere are people burning in agony, screaming in pain, drowning and suffering. There are laughing demons with pitchforks piercing their skin. Its horrible, disgusting. Morty presses the up button and goes right back to Sid."
"What is this!? Hell is nothing like you showed me on the monitor! It was awful down there!"
Sid says, "You mean that monitor?"
"Yes," says Morty.
"Oh, well, that was just the pilot."
An American man is riding a tr...
An American man is riding a train in a European country. His seatmate knows some English, and they end up chatting. The seatmate asks if the American has children. The American says no."Ah, so sad," says the European. "Your wife, she is impregnable?"
"Well, um, that's not exactly the word," says the American.
"Oh!" interrupts the European. "I mean, she is inconceivable?"
"Um, not quite..." the American begins, only to be interrupted again.
"Oh, no, that isn't right," says the European. "She is, what is it, she is unbearable?"
"Well, actually, that's pretty much sums it up," says the American.
The Baseball Playoffs are On!
Sidney telephones Rabbi Levy.
He says, "Rabbi, I know tonight is Yom Kippur, but tonight the Yankees are in the playoffs. Rabbi, I'm a life-long Yankees fan. I've got to watch the Yankees game on TV."Rabbi Levy replies, "Sidney, that's what video recorders are for."
Sidney is surprised. "You mean I can tape Yom Kippur?"
The latest mergers...
Are your investments in order? Below are some of the latest rumors from Wall Street. In the wake of the AOL/Time Warner deal, here are the latest mergers we can expect to see:Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R. Grace Company merge to become Hale Mary Fuller Grace.
Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Keebler Crackers merge to become Polly-Warner-Cracker.
3M and Goodyear merge to become MMMGood.
John Deere and Abitibi-Price merge to become Deere Abi.
Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining merge to become Zip Audi Do Da.
Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil merge to become Honey I'm Home.
Denison Mines, and Alliance and Metal Mining merge to become Mine All Mine.
Federal Express and UPS merge to become FED UP.
Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge and begin manufacturing reproductive organs.
Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will merge and become Fairwell Honeychild.
3M, J.C. Penney and the Canadian Opera Company will merge and become 3 Penney Opera.
Knott's Berry Farm & National Organization of Women will merge and become Knott NOW!
Musicians on the rampage
“What is it called when musicians go on the rampage, break into stores and steal things? Luting.”
The wedding...
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why's the groom wearing black?"
Tasty Morsel
The...
Tasty Morsel
The scene is the darkest jungle in India.
Two tigers are stalking through the jungle when the one in the rear suddenly reaches out with his tongue and licks the butt of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says, "Hey, cut it out, alright." The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way.
After about five minutes the rear tiger suddenly repeats his action. The front tiger turns angrily and says," I said don't do that again!" The rear tiger says "sorry" again and they continue.
After about another five minutes, the rear tiger repeats his action. The front tiger turns and says, "What is it with you, anyway? I said to stop." The rear tiger says, "I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I'm just trying to get the taste out of my mouth."
What did the founder of Starbu
What did the founder of Starbucks and Jesus have in common?“Why are so many prod
“Why are so many produce farmers optimists? They take life kumquat may!”
School Collection 22
Why did the Romans build straight roads?
So their soldiers didn't go around the bend!
When a knight in armour was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave?
Rust in peace!
What famous chiropodist ruled England?
William the Corn-cutter!
What English King invented the fireplace?
Alfred the grate!
What's yellow, has wheels and lies on its back?
A dead school bus!
