Popular jokes (32866 to 32880)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Are really big people measured...
Are really big people measured with a meatier stick?A little girl asked her mother...
A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"A young girl came home from a ...
A young girl came home from a date looking sad. She told her mother, “Charles proposed to me a few minutes ago.”“Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked.
“Because he also mentioned he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t believe there’s hell!”
Her mother replied, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is.”
Gloomy countries like England
Gloomy countries like England and Scotland have population problems: they're overclouded.Ponderings Collection 03
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
A taxi driver in a Merce...
A taxi driver in a Mercedes-Benz picked up a blonde woman at the airport one day.
When she got in and they started on their way she enquired what the three pinned emblem on the front is for. In a jovial mood, the driver replied "Well, it's for lining it up at people, so you can run them down".
"Ah I see", said the woman.
With this the taxi driver starts heading straight for an elderly woman, but at the last second swerves away.
A loud bang startles him and he looks curiously over at his passenger who appears to be hanging out of the car with the door wide open: "I thought you were going to miss there for a minute!"
Our local drugstore was robbed of 500 bottles...
Our local drugstore was robbed of 500 bottles of Viagra.The suspect is known to be a hardened criminal!
When Ted was putting flowers o...
When Ted was putting flowers on his Grandmother's grave he noticed a man, very distraught, in front of a tombstone several yards away. The man was on his knees, hands tightly clasped in front of him, rocking back and forth, head tilted upward to heaven, tears streaming down his cheeks, moaning softly, "Why did you die? Why did you die?" Over and over again.Ted was overcome with emotion at this sight and went over to the poor man to try and console him. "Why did you die? Why did you die?" bellowed the man again and again. Ted gently put his arm around the man and half whispered to him, "My Grandmother is buried just over there. Is a loved one of yours buried here?"
"No," sniffled the man, "It's my wife's first husband."
Work or play...
A man wondered if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin. The reason is because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest. He asks for the priest's opinion.
After consulting the Bible, the priest says, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on the Sabbath."
The man thinks, "What does a priest know about sex?" So, he decides to ask a minister.
The minister gives the same reply as the priest had given him. Sex is work, and therefore not permitted on the Sabbath.
Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, "My son, sex is definitely play."
The man asks, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others are convinced that sex is work?"
The Rabbi replies, "If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it."
Wife: I'm gonna make you reall...
Wife: I'm gonna make you really sorry! I'm going to leave you! Husband: Make up your mind! Which one is it gonna be?Ron Jeremy is known for his
Ron Jeremy is known for his lays-her-like focus on the job. #joke #short
An Indecent Proposal
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy, young man entered.He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward them.
Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition."
Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was.
The young man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she gladly pressed into the young man's hand.
She looked deeply into his eyes and slowly and meaningfully said: "Clean my house."
