Popular jokes (4381 to 4395)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
I Want To Buy That
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.
To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.
The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"
Chuck Norris can make snow ang...
Chuck Norris can make snow angels on a concrete slab.When the wise company presiden...
When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking upon no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the following memo: To all employees; If you must drink during you lunch hours, please drink whiskey. It is better for our customers to know you're drunk than to think you're stupid.
The Bible Leaf
A little boy opened the big, old family Bible with fascination. He looked at the old pages as he turned them. The Bible had belonged to his grandmother. Then something fell out of the Bible. He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed between pages. "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "I think it's Adam's suit.."... The Shredder
A young executive is working late one evening. As he comes out of his office about 8 PM he sees the Big Boss standing by the shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand. "Do you know how to work this thing?" the older man asks. "My secretary’s gone home and I don’t know how to run it."
"Yes, sir," says the young executive, who turns on the machine, takes the paper from the other man, and feeds it in.
"Now," says his boss, "I just need the one copy."
Eddie in Dallas calls his son...
Eddie in Dallas calls his son in New York just before Thanksgiving and tells him, "I'm sorry to tell you but your mother and I are getting a divorce. I just cannot tolerate any more of her constant complaining. We can't stand the sight of each other any more. I'm telling you first, Jerry, because you're the oldest. Please tell your sister."When Jerry calls his sister Julie in Miami, she says: "No way are they getting divorced. I'll go there for Thanksgiving and talk them out of it."
Julie phones here father and tells him: "You must not get divorced. Promise me you won't do anything until I get over there. I'm calling Jerry and we'll both be there with you tomorrow. Until then, don't take any action. Please listen to me." Then she hangs up.
The father puts down the phone, turns to his wife Frances and says, "Good news! Jerry and Julie are coming for Thanksgiving, and they're both paying their own way."
Bike
A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives to be civilized and kind to each other when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English.
So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.
The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them both..
The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied, "My bike."
Visiting a clinic one day, Joe...
Visiting a clinic one day, Joe looked into the nurses eyes and said, "Nurses aren't supposed to laugh, right?" "Of course I won't laugh. I'm a professional nurse. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," Joe said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest man penis the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery.
Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling then almost fell to the floor laughing.
A few minutes later she was able to regain her composure.
"I'm so sorry," said the nurse. "I don't know what came over me.
On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now tell me, what seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen," Joe replied.
They just found a sw...
“They just found a sword swallower dead. The police suspect it's an inside job.”
A bunch of Indians capture a c...
A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, "You going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days. On sundown of third day, you die. What is first wish?" The cowboy thinks for a moment and then responds, "I want to see my horse." The Indians get his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the ass. The horse takes off.
Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the cowboy. The Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man - can only think of one thing."
The second day, the chief says, "What your wish today?"
The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horses ear, then slaps it on the ass.
Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee with the cowboy. The Indians shake their heads, figuring, "Typical white man - going to die tomorrow and can only think of one thing."
The last day comes, and the chief says, "This your last wish, white man. What you want?"
The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse.
The cowboy grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells, "Read my lips! POSSE, dammit! P-O-S-S-E!"
Free meat
It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted the butcher with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it?
Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calender, and one day the teenager who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on HIS face!"
New Yorkers Arrived
One day at the entrance to heaven, St. Peter saw a New York street gang.
walk up to the Pearly Gates. This being a first, St. Peter ran to God and said, "God,
there are some evil, thieving New Yorkers at the Pearly Gates. What do I do?".
God replied, "Just do what you normally do with that type. Re-direct them down to hell."
St. Peter went back to carry out the order and all of a sudden he comes running back yelling "God, God, they're gone, they're gone!"
"Who, the New Yorkers?".
"No, the Pearly Gates."
