Popular jokes (7126 to 7140)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
How many children...
Some newly married friends were visiting us when the topic of children came up. The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him.
They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he`d put an end to things by saying boldly, "After our second child, I'll just have a vasectomy."
Without a moments hesitation, the bride retorted, "Well, I hope you'll love the third one as if it's your own."
Another wife?
At the pre-birth class for couples who'd already had at least one child the instructor raised the question of how to break the news to an older child.
"Some parents tell the older child, 'We love you so much that we decided to bring another child into our family.'
"But think about that for a second. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'?"
One of the women spoke up right away, "Does she cook?"
Two boys were arguing when the
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found a £10 note and decided to give it to the person who tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age, I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys looked at each other then gave the £10 note to the teacher.
If I were a millionaire
“Take a pencil and paper,” the teacher said, “and write an essay with the title ‘If I Were a Millionaire.'”
Everyone but Philip began to write furiously. He just leaned back in his chair and folded his arms.
“What's the matter,” the teacher asked. “Why don't you begin?”
“I'm waiting for my secretary,” he replied.
Source: Just Clean Jokes
A Rabbi, a Minister and a Wiccan Priestess...
A rabbi, a Unitarian Universalist minister, and a Wiccan priestess decided to go on a fishing trip together. They went down to their local lake, rented a boat, and went out on to the lake for a day of fishing.
As the afternoon approached, the trio got hungry—and realized that they left their lunches on the shore of the lake.
The minister got out of the boat, walked across the lake, got his lunch, walked back, and sat down to eat his lunch.
"You should have gotten all of our lunches!" scolded the priestess. She then got up, walked across the lake, picked up her lunch as well as the rabbi's, walked back across the lake, and sat down, handing the rabbi his afternoon meal.
The rabbi at this point is almost out of his mind, his eyes wide with shock. He manages to sputter, "Wha... what... how did you...?"
The minister grins at the priestess, nudges her, and asks "Do you think we should tell him about the rocks?"
The priestess looks at the minister, raises an eyebrow, and replies "What rocks?"
I never wear...
I never wear a Halloween costume... I'm a character all year long! Do Asian cannibals eat a lot o
Do Asian cannibals eat a lot of raw-men noodles?“People are choosing ...
“People are choosing cremation over traditional burial. It shows that they are thinking out of the box.”
For 25 Cents
One night, Murphy was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Murphy and the thief began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground and Murphy put up a tremendous fight. However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground.The thief then went through Murphy's pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Murphy was 25 cents.
The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Murphy why he had bothered to fight so hard for 25 cents.
“Was that all you wanted?” Murphy replied, “I thought you were after the five hundred dollars I've got in me shoe!”
Confucius Say ...
Confucius say, "When you are angry at neighbor, walk a mile in his shoes. Then you will be a mile away from him, and you will have his shoes!"
The Most Interesting Word In The English Language
The Most Interesting Word In The English Language....Mike Birbiglia: Pick Up Some Donut Language
I went to Dunkin Donuts last week, and the person waiting on me didnt speak any English at all, like, no words. And its like Im all for the melting pot theory, but if I lived in Portugal and I worked at Dunkino Donutos, I might pick up a few keywords, you know, like donutos, munchkinos, chocolatto, coverato. The customers would be like, Blah, blah, blah, donutos. And Id be like, Right away, sir.To Do List
When I returned home from college for a break, I noticed a paper posted on the refrigerator. It listed some goals my dad had set for himself: Help wife more; lose weight; be more productive at work. I promptly added: “Send Michelle money every month.”
A few days later my brother wrote: “Make payments on car for Jason.”
Then my boyfriend joined in with: “Buy Tom a Jeep.”
Finally my father added a new goal to his amended list: “Wean kids.”
