Popular jokes (7111 to 7125)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Three Nurses Tricks
Three nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for. Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor.The first nurse said, "I put cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn't hear.
The second nurse said, "Well, I did worse than that. I poked holes in all his condoms.
The third nurse fainted.
A linguistics professor was le
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day."In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive.In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negativeis still a negative.
"However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein adouble positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah. Right."
Doc Steadman
Two men were standing at adjacent urinals when one said to the other, "I'll bet you were born in Newark, Ohio.""Why, that's right!" said the second man in surprise.
"And I'll bet you were circumcised when you were three days old."
"Right again. But how'd you....."
"And I'll bet it was done by old Doc Steadman."
"Well, yes, but how did you know?" asked the second man in amazement.
"Well, old Doc always cut them at a sixty-degree angle," explained the first guy, "and you're pissing on my shoe."
Exchange
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?Exchange him.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
Greg Giraldo: How Cleavage Works
This friend of mine told me, Yeah, I dress this way to attract a guy, but I want to attract the right guy. I dont want to attract every slob on the street. Thats how cleavage works. Its not a smart bomb. Its not a laser-guided weapon. You might hit your target; theres also going to be a lot of collateral damage. You might hit the guy in the Porsche. Youre also going to hit the guy with one tooth driving by on the bus.Short funny jokes-Cross stream and brook
Tom: What do you get if you decide to cross a stream and a brook?Jerry: Wet feet.
Pay for the Food
There was a poor old Irish cobbler whose shop was next door to a very upscale French restaurant.Every day at lunch time, Mike, the Irish gent, would go out the back of his shop and eat his soda bread and maybe a kipper or piece of Irish blue cheese while smelling the wonderful odors coming from the restaurant's kitchen.
One morning, the Irishman was surprised to receive an invoice in the mail from the adjoining restaurant for “enjoyment of food”
Mystified, he marched right over to the restaurant to point out that he had not bought a thing from them.
The manager said, “You're enjoying our food, so you should pay us for it.” The Irishman refused to pay and the restaurant took him to court.
At the hearing, the judge asked the restaurant to present their side of the case. The manager said, “Every day, this man comes and sits outside our kitchen and smells our food while eating his. It is clear that we are providing added value to his poor food and we deserve to be compensated for it.”
The judge turned to Mike and said, “What do you have to say to that?” The old Irishman didn't say a thing but smiled and stuck his hand in his pocket and rattled the few coins he had inside.
The judge asked him, “What is the meaning of that?” The Irishman replied with a mile wide grin, – “I'm paying for the smell of his food with the sound of my money.”
Jim Gaffigan: Wish I Was Ethnic
I wish I was ethnic; Im nothing. Cause if youre Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, Hes got a Latin temper. But if youre a white guy and you get angry, people are like, That guys a jerk.If I were a millionaire
“Take a pencil and paper,” the teacher said, “and write an essay with the title ‘If I Were a Millionaire.'”
Everyone but Philip began to write furiously. He just leaned back in his chair and folded his arms.
“What's the matter,” the teacher asked. “Why don't you begin?”
“I'm waiting for my secretary,” he replied.
Source: Just Clean Jokes
A 1928 Ford
Michigan Lawyer: "Well Barney, so you want me to defend you? Have you got any money?"
Barney: "No sir. I ain't got no money, but I do get a 1928 Ford Car!"
Lawyer: "Well you can raise money on that. Now let's see, just what do they accuse you of stealing?"
Barney: "A 1928 Ford Car."
You got the warning
Finding one of her students making faces atothers on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to
gently reprove the child.
Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher
said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told
if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and
I would stay like that."
Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith,
you can't say you weren't warned."
