Popular jokes (7561 to 7575)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Chuck Norris eats the core of ...
Chuck Norris eats the core of an apple first.Three Travelers
Three travelers, an American, a Russian, and an Egyptian, were circumnavigating the globe a la Jules Verne. The Russian man put his hand out and reached down into the clouds.“Aaah!” he said. “We're right over my homeland.”
“How can you tell?” asked the American.
“I can feel the cold air.” he replied.
A few days later the African man put his hand through the clouds.
“Aah we're right over my homeland.” he said.
“How do you know that?” asked the Russian.
“I can feel the heat of the desert.”
Several more days later the American put his hand through the clouds.
“Aah, we're right over New York.” The Russian and the African were amazed.
“How do you know all of that?!” they exclaimed.
The American pulled his hand in and held it up for them to see. “My watch is missing.”
A linguistics professor was le
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day."In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive.In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negativeis still a negative.
"However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein adouble positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah. Right."
Satan took my colander. No sur
Satan took my colander. No surprise: He is the Great De-Siever.q: What do you get when you c...
q: What do you get when you cross an impressionist painter with a New York City cab driver?A: You get Vincent Van Go Fuck Yourself.
Lone Ranger
Tonto and the Lone Ranger had a falling out... because the Lone Ranger discovered that "Kimosabee" actually means... "asshole!"Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Guide For All Women
A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A MAN IS REALLY SAYING:
I'M HUNGRY.
I'm hungry.
I'M SLEEPY.
I'm sleepy.
I'M TIRED.
I'm tired.
I'VE GOTTA GO.
Get out of the way and stay away until it clears.
WHAT'S WRONG?
I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this.
WHAT'S WRONG?
What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR.
I liked it better before.
YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR.
$50 and it doesn't look that much different!
YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR.
For $50 they should have GIVEN YOU hair!
LET'S TALK, HONEY.
I'm trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep person, and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
WILL YOU MARRY ME?
I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
WILL YOU MARRY ME?
I might as well get tax benefits for going through these talks.
Appear On Television
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
Wednesday, October 21, 1992
In July, Danny Fouts and his wife and her sister, in New York City to appear on the "Sally Jessy Raphael" show to discuss their arrest for shoplifting their wedding supplies on their wedding day in March, were arrested for stealing from the New York Ramada Hotel the TV show had booked them in for their stay.
Demetri Martin: Thought You Were Someone Else
I was walking down the street, and this guy waved to me. Then he came up to me and said, Im sorry, I thought you were someone else. I said, I am.It was the strangest thing...
Out in Kansas, tornadoes often hit with sudden devastation, without warning, and with unusual patterns of destruction. In one case, a house was completely whisked away leaving only the foundation and first floor. A silver-haired farm lady was seen sitting dazed, in a bathtub, the only remaining part of the house left above the floor.
The rescue squad rushed to her aid and found her unhurt. She was just sitting there in the tub, talking to herself. "It was the strangest thing... it was the strangest thing..." she kept repeating dazedly.
"What was the strangest thing, Ma'am?" asked one of the rescuers.
"I was visiting my daughter here, taking a bath, and all I did was pull the plug and the whole darned house suddenly drained away."
