Popular jokes (9541 to 9555)

Eight-year-old Sally brought h

Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."

Blind folks are the no

Blind folks are the no see-est people.

Love for the In-Laws

My wife told me that I did not love any of her relatives...
I told her that is not true. I said, "I love your mother-in-law and father-in-law much more than I love mine."

Hilarious jokes-Toss a coin

A city boy was visiting the co

A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm animals.
The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing anything about animals, the boy didn't know what he'd killed so he ran to the farmhouse and described his kill to the farmer.
"It had two saggy breasts, a beard, a hard head and it stunk like hell!" said the boy.
"Oh, bugger!!" said the farmer. "You've shot the wife!"

The Inspired Sermon

The pastor was greeting folks at the door after the service. A woman said, “Father, that was a good sermon.” The priest replied, “Oh, I have to give the credit to the Holy Spirit.”“It wasn’t THAT good!” she said.

Actual Answer from a Medical Student

While making his rounds, a doctor points out an x-ray to a group of medical students.

“As you can see,” he says, “the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched.”

The doctor turns to one of the students and asks, “What would you do in a case like this?”

“Well,” ponders the student, “I suppose I’d limp, too.”

What Letter?

"What's that piece of cord tied around your finger for?"
"My wife put it there to remind me to take a letter to the Post Office."
"And did you mail it?"
"No, she forgot to give me the letter."

Bitten By A Wolf

An emergency call: "Come quick, my friend was bitten by a wolf!"
Operator: "Where?"
Caller: "No, a regular one!"

The last request...

Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which they would their maker. The priest had given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants.

The warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?" To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play the Macarena for me one last time?" "Certainly," replied the warden.

He turned to the other man and asked, "Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?" "Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first."

I laid some turf, and was accu

I laid some turf, and was accused of sod on me.

A blonde walks into a restaura

A blonde walks into a restaurant to get some lunch, and while she's deciding on what she wants a waitress comes up. The blonde looks up and notices the waitress's name tag on her shirt...
"Gee, that's nice. What did you name the other one?"

Cleanliness #jokes #humor

Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley. "I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, the floors are gleaming white. It's so sanitary the whole place shines." "Please," said the other roach, frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"

The Southern Girl

The Liberal Northerner's son graduated from college and was offered a good job, but it was in the Deep South.

Dad, a liberal Democrat, was worried about his son going off to such a strange land and he warned him to avoid entanglements with southern women.

"They can't cook the kind of food we northerners eat, they won't keep the house clean, they don't like sex, and if you marry one, she'll call you a Damn Yankee the rest of your life. "

After a few months, the son telephoned Dad and told him he had just met a wonderful Southern girl, and thought he was in love with her.

Dad repeated his warnings about Southern women and their shortcomings.

After another couple of months, the son called Dad and told him he and his Southern girl were getting married. Dad just moaned and groaned and repeated his warnings.

Two more months go by and son telephones Dad......"Dad, you were wrong. My wife is a great cook, keeps the house neat as a pin, and she absolutely loves sex."

Dad responded, "Well, what about the fourth thing -- her calling you a Damn Yankee?"

"Oh, we reached an agreement on that. She won't call me a Damn Yankee, and I won't call her the N word.

A Special Night in Iowa

Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Iowa?
A: Prom.