Popular jokes (9556 to 9570)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Q. What's the diffrence betwee...
Q. What's the diffrence between preachers and Christmas trees?A. They both have balls but just for decoration.
After a quarrel, a wife said t
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
Knock Knock Collection 141
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orange!
Orange who?
Orange you even going to open the door!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orange juice!
Orange juice who?
Orange juice going to talk to me!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orson!
Orson who?
Orson around again!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orson!
Orson who?
Orson buggy is about your speed!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Osborn!
Osborn who?
Osborn today - it's my birthday!
A beautiful, sexy, good-lookin
A beautiful, sexy, good-looking lady was sitting next to a guy in a plane.The lady said to him, "Can you help me remove something from my breast please?"
The exciting young man replied, "Wow! It will be my pleasure. So what is it?"
"Your Eyes, idiot!"
What should you give a ghost f
What should you give a ghost for Christmas?Halloween jokes-Three vampires in a bar
What will you have?" the bartender asked.
"I'll have a glass of blood," the first replied.
"I'll have a glass of blood, too, please," said the second.
"I'll have a glass of plasma," said the third.
"OK, let me get this straight," the bartender said. "That'll be two bloods and a blood light?"
You boys been drinkin?
Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.
The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a po-lice roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"
"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said.
"We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?" asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin', OK?" said Earl.
Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"
"No sir," Earl said. "We're on the patch."
When Jane initially met Tarzan...
When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted to him and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he made love?"Tarzan not know love making," he replied.
Jane explained to him what it was.
Tarzan said, "Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothes and lay down on the ground. "Here," she said. "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick right in the crotch.
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed, "What did you do that for?"
"Tarzan first check for bees!"
Lewis Black: Eight Days of Hanukkah
People believe that Hanukkah is celebrated for eight days, and thats a liar, liar, pants on fire situation. Most Jewish families dont make it past the fourth day. It doesnt happen -- Come on, arent we going to light the lights? Eh, no. Enoughs enough.Up In Smoke
A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.' The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The lawyer sued and WON!
Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars lost in the'fires'.
NOW FOR THE BEST PART...
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail... And a $24,000 fine.
.......... ONLY IN AMERICA!
