Popular jokes (10441 to 10455)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Office jokes-Corporate Structure
Chairman Of The Board - Leaps tall buildings in a single bound. Is more powerful than a speeding locomotive; faster than a speeding bullet. Walks on water. Gives policy to God.
President - Leaps short buildings in a single bound. Is more powerful than a switch engine; just as fast as a speeding bullet. Walks on water when the water is calm. Talks with God.
Executive Vice-President - Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds. Is almost as powerful as a switch engine; not quite as fast as a speeding bullet. Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool. Talks to God if special request is granted.
Vice President - Barely clears a quonset hut. Loses tug of war with locomotive. Can fire a speeding bullet. Swims well. Is occasionally addressed by God.
General Manager - Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings. Is run over by a locomotive. Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury. Dog paddles. Talks to animals.
Manager - Runs into buildings. Recognizes locomotive two out of three times. Is not issued ammunition. Can't stay afloat with a life preserver. Talks to walls.
Trainee - Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings. Says, "Look at the choo-choo." Wets self with a water pistol. Plays in mud puddles. Mumbles to self.
Secretary - Lifts buildings and walks under them. Kicks locomotives off the tracks. Catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them. Freezes water with single glance. She IS God.
U-turn
A farmer goes for his driving test. During the test the instructor says to the farmer, "Can you make a U - turn?"The farmer replies. "No, but I can make its eyes water."
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Personal ad
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cosy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy.
Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever dog.
The Curse
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 50 years.The wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the course on you.”
The old man says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”
Arizona
YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN ARIZONA WHEN:
- You've signed so many petitions to recall governors that you can't
remember the name of the incumbent.
- You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
- You can say Hohokam and people don't think you're laughing funny.
- You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
- You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the
Salt River.
- You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
- You can say 115 degrees without fainting.
- You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour and it will be over
100 degrees.
- You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves.
- You discover, in July, that it only takes two fingers to drive your
car.
- You can make sun tea instantly.
- You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use
your fireplace.
- You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of
distance.
- You realize that Valley Fever isn't a disco dance.
- Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.
- You can pronounce the words: "Saguaro", "Tempe", "Gila Bend", "San
Xavier", "Canyon de Chelly", "Mogollon Rim", "Cholla", and
Tlaquepaque".
- It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person
is moving on the streets.
- You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
- Sunscreen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout
counter, a formula less than 30 spf is a joke, and you wear it just
to go to Circle K.
- Some fool can market mini-misters for joggers and some other fools
will actually buy them.
- Hot air balloons can't go up, because the air outside is hotter
than the air inside.
- No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car.
- You can understand the reason for a town named "Why."
Mummy and Daddy
Son to Dad: "What's the difference between an Egyptian mummy and our mummy?"
Dad to Son: It's simple son. When we see an Egyptian mummy, you get fear. But when we see your mummy, then I get fear!"
Great hooters
Sally (a blonde) was seen going into the woods with a small package and a large bird cage. She was gone several days but finally she returned. Her friend, Liz, never saw Sally looking' so sad.Liz, "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay...but you look so sad. Why??"
Sally, "Cause I just can't get a man."
Liz, "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods."
Sally, "Don't be so silly. I know that. But I went in the woods cause I needed something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find it."
Liz, "I don't understand what you're talking about."
Sally, "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird cage."
Liz, "So, how's that going help you get a man."
Sally, "Well, I heard the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hooters."
Many Hands
A Hindu devotee asked God, represented by the multi-armed Lord Narayana, this question. "My dear Lord," he said. "I understand that you have innumerable inconceivable potencies. But out of all of them the energy of light seems to be the most amazing. Light pervades the spiritual world, it illuminates the material universes, and life is impossible without it." He continued, "I would like to know how you make it work.""Oh, that's easy," was the reply. "Many hands make light work."
A little kid was out trick-or-
A little kid was out trick-or-treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He rang a house's doorbell and the door was opened by a lady. "Oh, how cute! A little pirate! And where are your buccaneers?" she asked. The boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."Good news...bad news...
"I have good news and bad news," a defense attorney told his client.
"First the bad news: The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with the sample found on the victim's dress."
"Oh, no - I'm ruined!" cried the client. "What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is down to 140!"
