Popular jokes (10756 to 10770)

Three prisoners are captured i

Three prisoners are captured in the war, and are about to be executed. They are asked what they wish to have for their last meal.
The Italian asks for Peperoni Pizza, which he is served and then taken away.
The Frenchmen requests a Filet Mignon, which he is served and also taken away.
The Jewish man requests a plate of strawberries.
The captors are surprised and reply, "STRAWBERRIES?"
"Yes, Strawberries."
"But they are out of season!"
"I'll wait..."

An app-based bra-sharing servi

An app-based bra-sharing service: Büber. The competition is Lift.

“What do you call an

“What do you call an expensive shoe? A cashew.”

I told my girlfriend last nigh...

I told my girlfriend last night how much I loved her, and she said that I must have been out drinking again.

I asked her why she would say that, and she said, "Because I'm your father."

At the Doctor's

The nurse asked a patient to remove his clothing and put on a gown to be checked by the doctor.
'In front of you?' He asks shyly.
The nurse says: 'Well no, but I've seen the naked human body before. The man said, 'Not one like mine. You'd die laughing at my naked body.'
'Of course I won't laugh,' said the Nurse to the patient, 'I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'
'Okay then,' said the patient, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing a huge male body with the smallest adult male organ the Nurse had ever seen in her life. In length and girth it was almost identical to a AAA battery.
Unable to control herself, the Nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out.
And then she started laughing at the fact that she was laughing. Feeling very badly that she had laughed at the man's private part, she composed herself as well as she could.
'I am so sorry,' she said, 'I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a Nurse and a lady, I promise that it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?'
'It's swollen,' Bob replied.
..........She ran out of the room.

Owen Smith: Born in the Bahamas

I was born in the Bahamas -- Nassau, Bahamas. Yeah, came to the United States when I was one because I needed work.

To petro-states much oil wealt

To petro-states much oil wealth has a crude.

It was the first time they had...

It was the first time they had flown together, and it was obvious by their silence that they didn't get along. After 30 minutes, the Captain finally spoke.

He said, "I don't like Chinese."

The First Officer replied, "Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why that?"

The Captain said, "You bombed Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese."

The First Officer said, "Nooooo, noooo ... Chinese not bomb Pearl Harbour. That JAPANESE, not Chinese."

And the Captain answered, "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese ... it doesn't matter. They're all alike."

Another 30 minutes of silence. Finally the First Officer said, "No like Jew."

The Captain replied, "Why not? Why don't you like Jews?"

"Jews sink Titanic."

The Captain tried to correct him, "No, no. The Jews didn't sink the Titanic, it was an iceberg."

"Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg, Spielberg ... no mattah ... all same."

Popcorn

Why are men like popcorn?

They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Curtis

A Collection Of Insults

A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.

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His brain could be the perfect dielectric.
His brain was sold separately and they were out of stock.
His brain would rattle around in a gnat's navel.
His buffer is full.
His clutch is slipping.
His data bus stops for red lights.
His deck has no face cards.
His elevator is stuck between floors.
His face is on a coin... On the edge.
His family wasn't dysfunctional until he arrived.
His freelist is empty.
His gene line isn't just dead, it's extinct.
His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons. -- Robin Williams
His grey matter is brown / doesn't matter.
His head whistles in a cross wind.

An elderly couple was sitting...

An elderly couple was sitting together watching TV. During a commercial the husband asked his wife, "Whatever happened to our sexual relations?"
After a long thoughtful silence, the wife replied during the next commercial, "You know, I don't know. I don't even think we even got a Christmas card from them last year."

Kristian Vallee: Getting Out of School

People think kids are the only ones that want to get out of class at 3 oclock every single day. No, no -- go see the teachers on a Friday at 3 oclock. Youll see teachers stiff-arming kids on the way out to the parking lot.

Teacher: "Tim, what is the out

Teacher: "Tim, what is the outside of a tree called?"
Tim: "I don't know."
Teacher: "Bark, Tim, bark."
Tim: "Bow, wow, wow!"

“Watchdogs are covere

“Watchdogs are covered with ticks.”

Arj Barker: Friends With Kids

I only have, like, three really good friends, and they get worse every year. And its gotten to the point where I think theyd rather hang out with their own kids than hang out with me. Im like, Alright, but really, wheres the loyalty, man? Ive known you for 25 years. How long have you known your baby -- like a month? Alright, Judas, whatever.