Popular jokes (10771 to 10785)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
The Same Mistake
I never make the same mistake twice.
I do it like, five or six times, you know, to make sure.
#joke #short
Police arrested two kids yeste...
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.Knock Knock Collection 168
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Spock!
Spock who?
Spock louder!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Stacey!
Stacey who?
Stacey'ted until the bus stops!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Stalin!
Stalin who?
Stalin for time!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Stan!
Stan who?
Stan back or I'll shoot!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Stanton!
Stanton who?
Stanton here answering questions is no fun!
#joke
The counselor was giving advic
The counselor was giving advice to a young man: "To gain self-confidence, you must avoid using negative words, such as CAN'T and NOT. Do you think you can do that?"The young man responded, "Well, I can't see why not."
#joke #short
Really funny jokes-Unmistakable signs you are a drunk
Unmistakable Signs you are a Drunk# You spent Saturday night in jail for cow-pushing — with your Ford V-8
# Although armed with fire extinguishers, your family stood at a safe distance as you blew out your birthday candles.
# Thanks to you, Bourbon Deluxe Bourbon stock is up 15 1/4 since Thursday.
# Vladimir Putin called personally to ask you to slow down on the Stoli.
# For some reason, there's salt on the rim of your basketball goal.
# For the money you spent on Thunderbird, you could've bought the car.
# You're now the proud inventor of the "Slim Jim": Ultra Slim-Fast shakes made with Jim Beam.
# Answering machine full of warnings from Coach Switzer.
# Smirnoff wants to run an ad featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle.
# Dry cleaners and hotel employees greet you with, "Look, it's the Vomit guy!"
# The doorman asks for your identification just to see how long it'll take you to find your pants.
# Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out of your abdominal cavity into a pan of frying onions.
# Worried friends call Monday morning to make sure you returned the goat.
# You have to be told "Drink Canada Dry" is a slogan and not a personal challenge.
Stop Ringing My Phone
Whoever lost their iPhone outside the bar...
Please stop ringing my new phone!
#joke #short
Q: What did 50 cent say to his...
Q: What did 50 cent say to his grandmother who gave him a sweater she had made him?A: G-U-NIT
#joke #short
Really funny jokes-Buffalo come
A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo. After riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Humm, buffalo come".
The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"
And the Indian replies, "Ear sticky".
The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"
And the Indian replies, "Ear sticky".
Fire Power
Them: "Why do you always carry a knife?"
Me: "The last time I tried to open a bag of chips with a 9mm, things didn’t go so well."
#joke #short
A termite walks into a bar and...
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"#joke #short #walksintoabar
I enjoy constellations. I am <
I enjoy constellations. I am Sirius.#joke #short
Went Where
Teacher: "I have went. That's wrong isn't it?"
Little Johnny: "Yes ma'am."
Teacher: "Why is it wrong?"
Little Johnny: "Because you ain't went yet."
#joke #short
A little boy came home from th
A little boy came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened."Well, Dad," said the boy, "I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."
"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."
"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his big sister!"
#joke #father
A three-foot tall dwarf walks
A three-foot tall dwarf walks into a bar and slips over on a pile of poop. Minutes later a huge tough guy walks into the bar and slips over on the pile of poop, the dwarf says to the big guy, "I just did that," and the big guy punches the dwarf in the face.#joke #short #walksintoabar
