Popular jokes (10771 to 10785)

The king who was usurped by a

The king who was usurped by a werewolf was definitely throne for a lupus.

The Curse

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 50 years.

The wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the course on you.”

The old man says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”

“That butane lighter

“That butane lighter may be stubborn, but it's no match for me!”

Witches On Brooms

Q. Why don’t witches wear underwear?

A. To get a better grip on the broom!

broken finder

A brunette goes to the doctor and as she touches each part of her body with her finger she says, "Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts!" The doctor asks, "Were you ever a Blonde?"

"Yes, I was." she replies. "Why do you ask?"

The doctor answers, "because your finger is broken!"

“I told the knight th

“I told the knight that I could knock him out of his saddle. Of course, I was speaking in joust.”

Rooster at the Gym

Why did the rooster cross the Gym? He heard that the referee was blowing fouls.

Every Pol Pot joke ends the sa

Every Pol Pot joke ends the same way: “napalm intended!” …

My friend knows that a bon mot

My friend knows that a bon mot is like a secret magical password. ‘Oh, pun!', says ami.

Should have been here sooner!

An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. "Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area."

"Heck, Gloria," the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off, "we could have been here ten years ago if you hadn't heard about all that stupid oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat diets!"

Lem: "I got fired from my job

Lem: "I got fired from my job as a bank guard."
Clem: "That's awful. What happened?"
Lem: "Well a thief came in to rob a bank. I drew my gun. I told him that if he took one more step, I'd let him have it."
Clem: "What did thief do then?"
Lem: "He took one more step so I let him have it. I didn't want that stupid gun anyhow!"

Simon Says?

The new minister stood at the church door greeting the members as they left the Sunday morning service. While most of the people told the minster how much they liked his message, one man seemingly had a different opinion. “That was a very dull and boring sermon, Pastor,” he said. The pastor was a bit baffled by this, but he continued shaking hands.A few minutes later, the same man again appeared in line and said, “I don’t think you did much in the way of preparation for your message.”Once again, the man circled back and appeared in line, this time muttering, “You really blew it. You didn’t have a thing to say, Pastor.”Finally, the minister could stand it no longer. He went to one of the deacons and inquired about the man. “Oh, don’t let that guy bother you,” said the deacon. “He’s a little slow. All he does is go around repeating whatever he hears other people saying.”From "The Book of Church Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.

Misusing the relative pronoun ...

Misusing the relative pronoun is a slippery slope, and can end in whomlessness.

Dogs in Heaven

Dear God,
When I get to heaven, can I sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Also, are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Thank You God,
The Dog
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member Jalus

Blonde Loses Sweet Job

Why did the blonde get fired from her job at the M&M factory? She threw away all the W&Ws