Popular jokes (14926 to 14940)

While sitting at a table in th

While sitting at a table in the clubhouse after a game, Padraig remarked to a fellow club member, "I'm not going to play golf with Jim Lawler anymore. He cheats."
"Why do you say that?" asked his friend.
"Well, he found his lost ball two feet from the green," replied Padraig indignantly.
"That's entirely possible," commented his friend.
"Not when I had his golf ball in my pocket," retorted Padraig with finality.

sleep in the barn

A police chief, a fire chief, and a city manager were traveling together by car to a municipal management conference in a distant city. Their car broke down in a rural area, and they were forced to seek shelter for the night at a nearby farmhouse. The farmer welcomed them in, but cautioned them that there were only two spare beds, and that one of them would have to sleep in the barn with the farm animals. After a short conference, the police chief agreed to take the barn. Shortly after retiring, a knock was heard on the door of the farmhouse. The party inside answered to find the police chief standing there, complaining that he could not sleep. There were pigs in the barn, he said, and he was reminded of the days when everyone called him a pig. The fire chief then volunteered to exchange with the police chief. A short time later, another knock was heard at the door. The fire chief complained that the cows in the barn reminded him of Mrs. O'Leary's cow that started the Chicago fire, and that every time he started to go to sleep, he started to have a fireman's worst nightmare, that of burning to death. The city attorney, in desperation for sleep, then agreed to sleep in the barn. This seemed like a good idea until a few minutes later, when another knock was heard at the door. When the occupants answered the door, there stood the very indignant cows and pigs.

“To the artificial ra

“To the artificial rainmakers every cloud has a silver iodide lining!”

Once upon a time, a beautiful,...

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, " I once was a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so." That night, while the princess dined on frog legs,she kept laughing and saying, "I don't THINK so."

 A Horse Breeder Story

This Kentucky horse breeder had a filly that won every race in which she was entered. But as she got older she became very temperamental. He soon found that when he raced her in the evening, she would win handily, but when she raced during the day she would come in dead last. He consulted the top veterinarians and horse psychologists to no avail. He finally had to give up because it had become a real night mare.

“Religious vultures p

“Religious vultures prey for their food.”

Hilarious jokes-Queen Elizabeth

“Reincarnation is a l

“Reincarnation is a life-changing experience.”

“My daughter asked me

“My daughter asked me if I was having fun doing the laundry. I replied, 'Loads.'”

Author: Well, the upshot of it

Author: Well, the upshot of it was, that after ten years, I realized I had absolutely no talent for writing.
Friend: So, you gave up?
Author: No, I couldn't. By then, I was too famous.

Santa puns really slei

Santa puns really sleigh me.

Q. What's the diffrence betwee...

Q. What's the diffrence between preachers and Christmas trees?
A. They both have balls but just for decoration.

Heaven and Hell

Two doctors and an HMO manager are killed in a train wreck and line up at the pearly gates for admission to heaven. Saint Peter asks them to identify themselves.

One doctor steps forward and says: "I was a pediatric spinal surgeon. I helped hundreds of kids overcome their deformities."

Saint Peter says: "Enter."

The other doctor says: "I was a psychiatrist. I helped rehabilitate thousands of people."

Saint Peter nods and invites him into heaven, too.

The third applicant steps forward and says: "I was an ACC account manager. I helped countless people get cost-effective health care."

Saint Peter tells him: "You can come in, too."

As the ACC account manager walks by, Saint Peter adds: "But you can only stay for three days. After that, you can go to hell."

After Dinner Speech

As the after dinner speaker gushed on and on, Deacon Miller nodded, and nodded until his head rested on the table cloth. The chairman reached over and bumped him lightly on the head with his gavel.
Deacon Miller: "Hit me harder, I can still hear him..."

A college student challenged a...

A college student challenged a senior citizen, saying it was impossible for their generation to understand his. “You grew up in a different world,” the student said. “Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, nuclear energy, computers…”
Taking advantage of a pause in the student’s litany, the geezer said, “You’re right. We didn’t have those things when we were young; so we invented them! What are you doing for the next generation??”