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Blonde jokes - jokes about blondes (331 to 345)Jokes about blondes. These are funny jokes with blondes! These are the jokes listed 331 to 345. |
Flashers
A blonde's car breaks down on the interstate one day.
So she eases it onto the shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of the car and then opens the trunk.
Out jump two men in trench coats that turn to face oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing themselves to approaching drivers.
Not surprisingly, this causes the highway's worst pileup to date.
Shortly the police show up. The cop, clearly enraged, runs up to the blonde and yells, "What the hell is going on here?"
"My car broke down," says the lady, calmly.
"Well, what are these perverts doing here by your car?" asks the cop.
"I've always been told when you're on the side of the road to use your emergency flashers!," she replied.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Helicopter Flying Lessons
A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to
learn to fly.
As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to
instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter.
He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the
basics, and sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000
feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view
is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."
After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was
to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and
was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.
A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed
about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the
wreckage.
When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know!
Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was
starting to get cold. I can barely remember anything after I
turned off the big fan!"
A blonde was playing Trivial P
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was: "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
Blonde Cop
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are walking by a mall.
A policeman starts running after them, so they start running too.
They come upon 3 sacks and jump into them.
The cop stops and kicks the 1st sack and the brunette says "Meow."
The cop says, "Oh, it's only a cat."
He kicks the 2nd sack and the redhead says "Woof."
The cop says, "Oh, it's only a dog."
Then he comes up to the third sack and kicks it.
The blonde says "Potatoes".
And the cop says "Oh, it's only a sack of potatoes!"
Do you know why the cop didn't catch her?
Because he was a blonde too!
A young blonde was on vacation...
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
Training The Blonde
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.
"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she cried," one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
Heads or tails
The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of yes/no type questions.
She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes for heads, and no for tails.
Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out.
During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Blonde Bank Robbers
Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first
blonde, Judy, planned the robbery and went over the plan with
the second blonde, Buffie, in great detail.
The robbery began. Judy drove up in front of the bank,
stopped the car and said to Buffie, "I want to make
absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to
be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with
the cash. Do you
understand the plan?"
"Perfectly," replied Buffie.
Buffie went in the bank while Judy waited in the getaway
car. One minute passed...three minutes pass...seven
minutes pass... and Judy was really stressing out.
Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here came Buffie.
She had a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it
to the car.
About the time she got the safe in the trunk of the car, the
bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming
out. The guard's pants and underwear are down around his
ankles while he was firing his weapon.
As the gals are getting away, Judy yelled, "You are such a
blonde! I thought you understood the plan!"
Buffie said, "I did. I did exactly what you said!"
"No, you idiot!" snapped Judy. "You got it all mixed up. I
said, 'Tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!'"
A blonde is overweight so her...
A blonde is overweight so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat for two weeks and you'll lose at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. The doctor exclaims, "That's amazing! Did you follow my diet?" The blonde nods. "I thought I was going to drop dead every third day from all the skipping!"
