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Blonde jokes - jokes about blondes (691 to 705)Jokes about blondes. These are funny jokes with blondes! These are the jokes listed 691 to 705. |
Blond Guy Joke
There are three blonde guys stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them a wish.The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, he is turned into a brown haired man and swims off the island.
The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one, so instantly he is turned into a black haired man. The black haired man builds a boat and sails off the island.
The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns him into a woman, and she walks across the bridge.
Helicopter Flying Lessons
A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted tolearn to fly.
As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to
instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter.
He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the
basics, and sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000
feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view
is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."
After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was
to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and
was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.
A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed
about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the
wreckage.
When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know!
Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was
starting to get cold. I can barely remember anything after I
turned off the big fan!"
Ransacked Blonde
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, “I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?
“They send me a BLIND policeman.”
Hilarious jokes-Poker
He suggests they play a prop bet where they ask each other questions; if they don't know the answer to the question; they have to pay the other person. She asks him how she's supposed to compete with a smart, world-renowned surgeon, as she's just a simple cocktail waitress. Eager to make her look stupid, he offers her odds, so that she has to pay him $5 for every time he stumps her, but he'll pay her $50 each time she stumps him. She agrees.
He asks her what the capital of Paraguay is and she shrugs and flips him a red $5 chip.
Her question for him is: "What rises in the evening, sleeps in the morning, and has twice as many brothers as sisters?"
He thinks and thinks and thinks, getting more frustrated, then whips out his iPhone, calls his friends, and finally checks the Internet for an answer. He finally gives up and shoves $50 in chips over to her.
"Well," he angrily demands, "what's the answer?"
She shrugs and flips him another $5 chip.
Funny jokes-Union House
"Why, no, it isn't," the Madam replies.
"Well," the Union Man asks, "what percentage of the take goes to the girl?"
"We split the money, 20 percent to the girl and 80 percent to the house."
Feeling that wasn't a fair split the man left and went to another establishment. Again he asked the same questions and received a similar response. Although not a union house the split rate at this one was 30 percent to the girl and 70 percent to the house.
He continued his trek for some time until, finally, he came upon a Union House. "That's wonderful," he says to the Madam, "and what's the split?"
"We give 80 percent to the girl and keep just 20 percent for the house."
The Man is overjoyed. "Fantastic," he says, finally satisfied. Immediately he spots an attractive young blonde and indicates her to the Madam. "I'd like to have her please," he declares.
"Oh, I'm sure you would," the Madam replies, but she instead redirects him to an aging, overweight woman in the corner, "But I'm afraid Ethel here has seniority."
This fellow comes to confessio...
This fellow comes to confession. "Father, he said, forgive me for I have sinned."The priest asked, "What did you do, my son?"
"I lusted," the fellow replied.
"Tell me about it," the priest said.
The fellow then related his story. "Father, I am a deliveryman for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in the affluent section of the city. When I rang the bell, the door opened and there stood the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She had long blonde hair and eyes like emeralds. She was dressed in a sheer dressing gown that showed her perfect figure. And, she asked if I would like to come in."
"And, what did you do, my son?" asked the priest.
"Father, I did not go in the house but I lusted. Oh, how I lusted," replied the man.
"Your sin has been forgiven," replied the priest. "You will get your reward in heaven, my son."
"A reward, father? What do you think my reward might be?" the fellow asked.
The priest replied, "I think a bale of hay would be appropriate, you jackass."
Bob joins a very exclusive nud...
Bob joins a very exclusive n*dist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did you call for me?"Bob replies "No, what do you mean?"
She says: "You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me."
Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few moments a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him. The Huge Man says: "Sir, did you call for me?"
Bob replies "No, what do you mean?"
The Huge Man says: "You must be new here. It is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me."
The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and sodomizes him. Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling naked receptionist: "May I help you?"
Bob says: "Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500 joining fee."
Receptionist: "But Sir, you have only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small part of our facilities..."
"Listen lady," Bob replies. "I am 58-years-old. I get a hard-on about once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. No thanks!"
Coffee Maker
The newlywed Blonde went to the store to ask how to operate the new coffeemaker received as a wedding gift. The salesman carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go to bed, and upon rising, the coffee is ready. A few weeks later the goober was back in the store and the salesman asked her how she liked the coffee maker.
"Wonderful!" she replied, "But... it's just awfully inconvenient to have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee."
