Blonde jokes - jokes about blondes (841 to 855)

Blonde Fired from the M&M Factory

Q: Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?

A: She was throwing away the W's & E's

Do You See The Dead Bird?

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park one morning.
Suddenly, the brunette notices a dead bird. "Awww, look at the dead birdie," she says sadly.
The blonde stops, looks up into the sky, and says, "Where? Where?"

A Roll Of The Dice

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps tables for players when a gorgeous blonde lady wearing a huge fur coat walked in and asked if she could bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

The dealers said yes and were happy to oblige.

She then said, "I hope you don't mind, but I'll feel much luckier if I take off my coat." With that, she took off her coat and was wearing a skin-tight Wonder-woman outfit!

The men looked her up and down as she leaned over the table, rolled the dice, and yelled, "Come on baby, come on!"

She then jumped up and down, hugging each of the casino dealers while yelling "YES, I WIN! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, I WIN!!" With that, she picked up her winnings and quickly left.

The dealers stood there staring at each other dumbfounded, until one finally asked the other, "What the heck did she roll anyway?"

The second dealer answered, "I don't know. I thought you were paying attention!"

911

The authorities in America conducted a survey to ascertain why they did not receive many emergency calls from blondes. After exhasted studies the answer is "They can find the nine but cannot find the eleven"

Bad Time for a Blonde Joke

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things:
1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde gal.
3 - I'm a 6-foot tall, 200-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

New Dogs

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!

Blonde Law and Order

The local sheriff in a small suburban town was looking for a deputy. He posted ads in the paper, and sure enough, Lisa, a wonderful looking blonde, went in to try out for the job. She wasn't the sharpest nail in the bucket, but seeing as she had a natural charisma about her, the sheriff gave her an interview...
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Lisa, what is 1 and 1?"
"11!" she enthusiastically replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but she's right in a way..."
"Okay, Lisa. What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Shucks, that's easy," the blonde replied. "Today and tomorrow!"
The sheriff was again surprised that Lisa supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
He thought of his next question carefully to make sure there could be no equivocation about the answer:
"Now Lisa, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Lisa looked a little surprised, thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while," the sheriff replied with satisfaction.
So, Lisa wandered over to the salon where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview.
"How'd it go?" they all asked.
Lisa was ecstatic. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

Blondes kids

A blonde was with her husband shopping and she decided that they would shop in different parts of the mall.

They meet in the middle 2 hours later and she announces, "I just got kids."

The husband stares amazed, looking at the kids he says, "Those are 2 baby goats!"

Submitted by bomberman255

Edited by Calamjo, Curtis and yisman

Underwear

Why do blondes wear underwear?

To keep their ankles warm.

Prior to her trip to Nebraska,...

Prior to her trip to Nebraska, Buffy (a blond New Yorker) confided to her sorority sister she had three goals for her trip to the Cornhusker State.

She wanted to taste some real Nebraska beef, take in a bona fide rodeo and have sex with a cowboy.

Upon her return, her sorority sisters were curious as to how she fared. Let me tell you, they have the best steaks that I've ever had. There is no steak in the world that could compare. The taste is unbelievable!!

And I went to a real rodeo..talk about athletes - these guys wrestle real full-grown bulls - like in Spain! Except they ride a horse out at full gallop, then jump off the horses and literally grab the bulls by the horns and throw them to the ground. It is incredible!"

They then asked, "Well tell us, did you have sex with a cowboy?"

Are you kidding? Once I saw the outline of the condom they carry around in the back pocket of their jeans, I changed my mind!"

Mirror Mirror

Two blondes walking down the street. One reaches into her pocketbook for a make up compact and looks into the mirror.

"This picture looks like someone I know" she says. The other one has a look and says, "Of course dummy, it's ME...."

Blonde Coyote

Did you hear about the blonde coyote?

She got stuck in a trap, chewed off three of her legs and was still stuck.

Dents

A blonde was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, ...
"HELLLLO" "You need to roll up the windows"

100 Pounds of Dynamite

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a great chest you have!"
He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby."
He takes off his pants and the blonde says,' "What massive calves you have!" The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby."
He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.
The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!"

Blonde Bet

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, 'Do you think he'll jump?' Bob says, 'You know, I bet he'll jump.'
The blonde replied, 'Well, I bet he won't.' Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, 'You're on!'
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, 'Fair's fair. Here's your money.'
Bob replied, 'I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 6 PM news and so I knew he would jump.'
The blonde replied, 'I saw it too; but I didn't think he'd do it again.'
Bob took the money......