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Christmas jokes - jokes about christmas day (271 to 285)Jokes about christmas day. These are the jokes listed 271 to 285. |
12 days of christmas
Sung to the tune of "The 12 Days of Christmas"12 pack of Bud
11 rasslin tickets
10 Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 pack of Redman
6 cans of spam
5 FLANNEL SHIRTS....
4 big mo tires
3 shotgun shells
2 hunting dogs
and parts to a Mustang GT...
“This year I made my ...
“This year I made my Christmas wreath out of Franklin Fir branches. I really like a wreath of Franklin.”
Twelve Days Of Fast Food
On the first day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
A Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the second day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the third day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the fourth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the fifth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the sixth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the seventh day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the eighth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the ninth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Nine polish hot dogs,
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the tenth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Ten baked potatoes,
Nine polish hot dogs,
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the eleventh day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Eleven pounds of blubber,
Ten baked potatoes,
Nine polish hot dogs,
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Twelve bags of Pepto,
Eleven pounds of blubber,
Ten baked potatoes,
Nine polish hot dogs,
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with Cheese
The Twelve Days of Windows 95
On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .Windows 95 for my PC
On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 4th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 5th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 7th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 8th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
8 Megs overflowin'
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 9th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
9 apps a crashin'
8 megs overflowin'
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 10th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
10 modes not supported
9 apps a crashin'
8 Megs overflowin'
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 11th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
11 instructions faulty
10 modes not supported
9 apps a crashin'
8 Megs overflowin'
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
12 illegal operations
11 instructions faulty
10 modes not supported
9 apps a crashin'
8 Megs overflowin'
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
Commercial Christmas
Signs Christmas Has Become To Commercial
- You don't recall that line from It's A Wonderful Life saying, "Every time a cash register rings, a customer enjoys never-before year-end savings at Try-N-Save!"
- Your kid makes a fortune trading in "Elmo futures."
- Salad Shooter in hand, Michael Jordan shows up as the honorary "4th wise man" in new nativity scenes.
- The impossible-to-get "Tickle Me Jesus"
- Santa's Coyote/Ford-powered sleigh came in second in this year's Indy 500.
- Wise Men now arrive carrying Faux Gold, The Clapper and a Chia Pet.
- WWF presents "Oh, Holy Night" Cage Match pitting The Three Wise Men against Jumping Joseph, Manic Mary and the Dangerous Manger Boy!
- Santa goes to Yankees in blockbuster trade for the slightly heavier Cecil Fielder.
- Rudolph demands Holiday Pay or he walks.
- Santa's North Pole operation announces a corporate downsizing amidst rumors that the Elf Division will be sold off to Keebler.
- Reindeer rights purchase by Disney results in odd-sounding, "On Doc, on Happy, on Grumpy, on Sneezy. Now Bashful, now Dopey, now Eisner and Sleepy."
- $, the holiday formerly known as Christmas
- Rather large Nike logo emblazoned across His Holiness's pointy hat during Midnight Mass at St. Peter's.
- The Baby GAP's line of Swaddling Clothes(TM)
- Michael Jackson buys all rights to the phrase "Ho, Ho, Ho" -- an injunction limits Santa to "a bemused facial expression and laughter not exceeding two syllables."
- Image of Virgin Mary appears in Dennis Rodman's hair.
Donkeys at Christmas
What do donkeys send out near Christmas?
Mule-tide greetings.
Iron this?!
A young man went to Victoria's Secret to buy a Christmas present. The clerk brought out a nightie that cost $50.00 and the man said,"Oh, I can afford more than that". So she brought a skimpy pair of panties for $100.00 He again said,"Oh, I can afford more than that". So she went in the back room and beautifully wrapped an empty box and said that will be $250.00. He took it home, handed it to his wife and asked her to try the gift on. She took the package upstairs, opened it and saw nothing in it. She came down stairs in her birthday suit and said, "How do you like it?"He said, "Fine, but for that much money you would think they would iron it".
New dog breeds...
The American Kennel club has decided to recognize these new breeds of Dogs that are the result of cross breedingCollie + Lhaso Apso: Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport.
Spitz + Chow Chow: Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up alot.
Bloodhound + Borzoi: Bloody Bore, a dog that's not much fun.
Pointer + Setter: Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet.
Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier: Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries.
Pekingese + Lhaso Apso: Peekasso, an abstract dog.
Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever: Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists.
Newfoundland + Basset Hound: Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisers.
Terrier + Bulldog: Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes.
Bloodhound + Labrador: Blabrador, a dog that barks incessantly.
Malamute + Pointer: Moot Point, owned by... oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway.
Collie + Malamute: Commute, a dog that travels to work.
Deerhound + Terrier: Derriere, a dog that's true to the end.
