Friday jokes - jokes about friday and friday 13th (286 to 300)

Dear Pun Gents...

Dear Pun Gents, I need a good name for a giveaway that a company involved with phones and bluetooth devices does every Friday. ~Torin, Snoqualmie, WA

Announcements

Actual Announcements From Church

1. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

2. Tuesday at 4:00 P.M. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies

giving milk, please come early.

3. Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will

sing, "Put me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.

4. Thursday at 5:00 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers

Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in

his study.

5. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Smith to come forward and

lay an egg on the altar.

6. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the

ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

7. On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the expenses

of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet,

please come forward and get a piece of paper at the end of the service.

8. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

9. A bean supper will be held Saturday evening in the church basement. Music will follow.

10. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Bleser, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Delser.

Woman

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being pay-day, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check.
When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him.
"How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Bush Sues Santa

BUSH LEGAL TEAM SUES SANTA CLAUS By S. Artist Reuters
AUSTIN, TX (Dec. 4) - Attorneys for Texas Governor George W. Bush filed suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making his list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to effectively ban his traditional practice of checking the list of good boys and girls one additional time before packing his sleigh.
The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of Austin, Texas, asks a federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all repetitive and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the original list as submitted, without amendment, alteration, deletion, or other unnecessary modification."
"There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice. It's totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he need to check? This checking, checking, and re-checking over and over again must stop now," said former Secretary James Baker.
Baker further claimed that unnamed GOP observers witnessed an elf removing all boys named Justin from the 'nice' list, filing them under 'naughty' instead because "everyone knows all boys named Justin are brats."
Gov. Bush cited the potential for unauthorized list tampering, and blasted what he called the "crazy, crazy mess up there at the North Pole."
"Their security is really awful, really bad," said Bush. "My mother just walked right in, told 'em she was Mrs. Claus. They didn't check her ID or nothing."
Meanwhile, Dick Cheney, Gov. Bush's running mate, issued a direct plea to St. Nick himself. "Mr. Claus, I call on you to do the honorable thing, and quit checking your list. The children of the world have had enough. They demand closure now," Cheney said, adding that his granddaughter has already selected a name for the pony she's asked for.
The Rev. Jesse Jackson was quick to respond to this latest development with plans to lead his protesters from Florida to the North Pole via dogsled. The "Million Man Mush" is scheduled to leave Friday. "We need red suits and sleighs, not law suits and delays," Jackson said.
Santa Claus could not be reached for comment, but an spokeself said he was "deeply distressed" by news of the pending legal action against him.
"He's losing weight, and he hasn't said 'Ho Ho' for days," said the spokeself. "He's just not feeling jolly."
A weary nation can relate.