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Short jokes - funny one liners (3161 to 3200)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 3161 to 3200. |
Never Made A Mistake
I never made a mistake in my life!
I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
Sentenced me to death
As the judge sentenced me to death, I tried to offer him a high five.
But he left me hanging.
By Reddit user roomierplanet, posted August 31st 2019.
The Word Impossible
Boss: “The word 'Impossible' does not exist in my dictionary!”
Secretary: “Well Sir, maybe you should have checked it first before buying it.”
Math teacher
I've decided to become a math teacher, but I'm only going to teach subtraction.
I just want to make a difference.
Found on reddit, authorYoureAMuenster
Image by InstagramFOTOGRAFIN from Pixabay
Can We Make It 9?
A guard tells a prisoner, "You will be released from prison at 5 a.m. tomorrow."
The prisoner replies, "Can we make it 9 a.m.? I'm not up yet at 5."
A man, submitting information
A man, submitting information to his income tax preparer, was asked how many dependents he had."Sixteen," he replied.
The preparer asked, "Would you mind repeating that?"
The man replied, "Not if I can help it."
Standing at the ATM.
Saw a lad standing on one leg at an ATM.
Confused, I asked him what he was doing?
He was just checking his balance.
“Buying a new toilet
“Buying a new toilet was a big expense for me, so I decided to sit on it for a while.”
Justice Prevailed
A junior partner in a law firm was sent to represent a long-term client. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released.
Excited about his success, the attorney emailed the firm: "Justice prevailed."
The senior partner replied in haste, "Appeal immediately!"
A young woman gazed up from he
A young woman gazed up from her hospital bed at the very handsome doctor who was examining her chart. She fluttered her eyelids and said, "They tell me that you are a real lady killer."The doctor smiled and shook his head. "No, I make no distinction between the sexes."
“Why was the eagle in
“Why was the eagle in handcuffs? The police thought he was a flight risk!”
Ad Response
One shop owner asks another, "So, have you had any responses to your ad that you're looking for a night watchman?"
"Yeah, we got robbed last night."
Buckle Up
Buckle up - it's harder for the aliens to abduct you!Don’t Toy With Me
My kids were fighting over their toys. I warned them if they kept it up I would take the toys away. They didn’t stop so I took them away to teach them a lesson.
Afterwards, they were still fighting. I said, “That’s it!” and gave them their toys back.
Lesson learned.
Went into labor
“When she went into labor, her husband started having a midwife crisis.”
Making A Small Fortune
Question: What’s the best way to make a small fortune in the stock market?
Answer: Start off with a big one.
Comfort the English Teacher
What do you say to comfort an English teacher?
They’re, there, their.
Car Doors Recess
Little Johnny, on recess, was carrying a car door while playing outside with his buddies on a very hot day.
His teacher called him over to ask, "Why?"
Little Johnny replied, "If I get too hot, I can roll down the car window!"
Answering Machine Message 152
Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
Eels being friendly
“Groups of eels that value being friendly with one another are social morays.”
