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Short jokes - funny one liners (3121 to 3160)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 3121 to 3160. |
Spiritual renewal
“If you are seeking spiritual renewal and new zeal land in Christchurch!”
Answering Machine Message 232
Hi, this is Jim. Thanks for calling during my spring pledge drive. A basic membership is only $30, and a $60 pledge gets you an "I love Jim Shea" T-shirt. Please wait for the tone, and thank you for your pledge.
Cutting Stone
Did you hear about the ancient Egyptian man that launched a successful stone quarry business?
Turns out it was a pyramid scheme all along.
Give up my job as a plumber
“I had to give up my job as a plumber. It was just too draining.”
Providing the energy needs
“His hopes of providing the energy needs for his home by igniting methane gas proved to be little more than a flash in the pan.”
iPhone 11 Max cameras
Why do the iPhone 11 Max cameras look like a stove?
Because Tim cooks!
Author Peter Pirc
Mathematician gets divorced
“After a mathematician gets divorced the ex is no longer part of the equation.”
Detecting Indian flatbread
I say my secret superpower is detecting Indian flatbread in any given room.
My friends all say it's naan-sense.
Author: woodybuzzes reddit user.
The Competition
Wikipedia: “I know everything.”
Google: “I have everything.”
Facebook: “I know everybody.”
Internet: “Without me you’re nothing.”
Electricity: “Keep talking losers.”
Silent occasion
“The mime's farewell was a silent occasion, but I guess that goes without saying.”
Get The Name Right
BOSS: "What should we call this giant advertising board?"
PHIL: "A philboard!"
BILL: "No, wait... I have a better idea!"
Answering Machine Message 235
Sorry that we're not at home.
Please leave a message after the tone.
When we get in,
We'll give you a ring.
Until then, wait by the phone.
Reward Money
A manager announces to his staff, “I’ve lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if you find it, I’m offering a 100 dollars finder’s fee!”
A voice in the background says, “I’m offering 200!”
Gardening Mystery
Someone keeps dumping soil all over my garden bed, and I don't know who's doing it???
The plot thickens...
During a museum tour the guide
During a museum tour the guide explains, "Here you can see the beautiful statue of Athena...""Excuse me, madam," a visitor interjects. "Who is that man behind her? Is he her husband?"
"No, Athena wasn't married: she was the goddess of wisdom."
Cocktails
“The barman named his cocktails Elijah, Ezekiel and Obadiah and spent most nights drinking the prophets.”
Timmy's Test Paper
Teacher: “I hope I didn’t see you looking at Timmy’s test paper?”
Little Johnny: ”I hope you didn't see me either!”
Another Recital
“Today,” said the professor, “I will be lecturing about the kidneys, intestines, pancreas, and the liver.”
One med student leaned toward his friend sitting next to him, “Great, we have to sit through another organ recital.”
Do Not Bend
A man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
