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Short jokes - funny one liners (3081 to 3120)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 3081 to 3120. |
Meditation
I recently took up meditation
It's certainly better than sitting around doing nothing.
Posted by TooCoolToSocialize
Often-looted grocery
“The often-looted grocery accepted no credit cards because their business was mainly smash-and-carry.”
Frank Caliendo Debates Stephen A. Smith
Furniture store
A furniture store keeps calling me
All I wanted was one night stand
Photo by Di_An_h on Unsplash
Bono & The Edge
Bono & The Edge walk into a bar.
The barman says, "Oh no, not U2 again!"
Poker for feathers
“My buddies and I once got snowed in my cabin for days and played poker for feathers from an old duvet to pass the time. At least my friends were there when the chips were down.”
Frank Caliendo has Morning Show in stitches with hilarious celebrity impersonations
Plane lunch choices
I’m on a plane and the lunch choices are white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I’m seated in the last row.
I’m hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.
By reddit user OK_Compooper, posted on Oct. 08. 2019.
Shoe-recycling shop
I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop.
It was sole-destroying
Author: Alex Horne, Joke was second on August 2013 on Fringe’s best one-liner prize
How Did the Hackers Escape
"Hey officer, how did the hackers escape?"
"No idea, they just ransomware!"
All I Want for Christmas
Bobbie to neighbor: “What are you getting your children for Christmas?”
Neighbor: “Well, if my husband doesn’t stop staying out until three in the morning, I’ll give them a new dad.”
The first carpenter
“The first carpenter to sail around the world took his screw with him.”
Grammarical Rules
Did you hear about the semi-colon that broke the law?
He was given two consecutive sentences!
Embarrassed meteorologist
“The young meteorologist was embarrassed that he didn’t get the forecast for the tornado correct so he went into abasement to funnel his emotions.”
“When the senator mis
“When the senator missed the morning bus he decided to run for office.”
Here's Your Sign
My Wife Kicked Me Out
My wife kicked me out of the house because my Arnold Schwarzenegger impression was really bad.
But don’t worry...
I’ll return!
Two Martians landed on a corne
Two Martians landed on a corner with a traffic light."I saw her first," one Martian said.
"So what?" said the other. "I'm the one she winked at."
“Two dead bodies were
“Two dead bodies were found inside a trunk this morning. Police are seeking the public's help, particularly in locating the rest of the elephant.”
How to Embarrass The Kids
Two Words
First grade teacher: "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is 'gross' and the other is 'cool.'"
Rachel: "Yeah? So, what are the words?"
Red scarf
Barber: Were you wearing a red scarf when you came in?Customer: No.
Barber: Oh dear! Then I must have cut your throat.
New funeral parlor
“When the new funeral parlor opened, the other undertakers faced stiff competition.”
