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Short jokes - funny one liners (3041 to 3080)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 3041 to 3080. |
The new employee stood before
The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused."Need some help?" a secretary asked.
"Yes," he replied. "How does this thing work?"
"Simple," she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder.
"Thanks, but where do the copies come out?"
How Much Money Do You Have?
Teacher: Suppose you have $10 and you asked your brother for $5. How much would you have then?
Student: $10.
Teacher: Why?
Student: My brother won't give me any money.
Fe = Iron.
Male = Man.<
Fe = Iron.
Male = Man.
Fe + Male = Iron Man.
I have been having sex with Iron Man.
“If I were to write m
“If I were to write my autobiography in ancient Norse letters, my life would be runed.”
"Do you really believe your hu
"Do you really believe your husband when he tells you he goes fishing every weekend?" asked June's best friend."Why shouldn't I?" said June.
"Well, maybe he is having an affair?"
"No way," said June, "he never returns with any fish..."
One Man's Motiviation
Interviewer: What drives you?
Candidate: The bus mostly.
Interviewer: I mean what motivates you to get out of bed in the morning?
Candidate: Missing the bus!
Nickel and dime
“If you nickel and dime your customers you are unlikely to make a mint, but they may coin a phrase or two about your business sense.”
Late Again
Teacher: "Why are you late this morning?"
Student: "Its my alarm clock. Everyone got up except me!"
Teacher: How did the alarm clock make you the only one not to get up?"
Student: "There are eight of us in the my family and the alarm clock was only set for seven."
Oysters On Half Shell
Customer in a waterfront restaurant: “Waiter, these are very small oysters!”
Waiter: “Yes sir, they are very small.”
Customer: “Also, they do not appear to be very fresh!”
Waiter with a resourceful response: “Then it’s lucky they’re small, ain’t it sir?”
Safe from exercising
“The government ensures you're safe from exercising through the Fitness Protection Program.”
Date with the endoscopist
“After my first date with the endoscopist she said she would look me up sometime.”
Quite the Difference
It’s a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub.
It’s a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.
Coincidence
A little boy in my infant class came into school and told me he could spell his mum’s name.
“M-U-M,” he said proudly.
Before I could congratulate him, another little boy said excitedly, “That’s how you spell my mum’s name too!”
TV control
“When my wife asked me where the TV control was, I had to tell her that I did not have the remotest idea.”
Hard Work Pays Off
My boss arrived at work in a brand-new Rolls Royce.
“Wow,” I said. “That’s an amazing car.”
He replied, “If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I’ll get another one next year!”
“When the manual cloc
“When the manual clock manufacturer sold his business with the digital transition, it changed hands!”
Unemployment Office
Working at the unemployment office has to be a tense job...
For if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.
A Bad Collison
A cement mixer and a prison bus crashed on the highway...
Police advise citizens to be on the lookout for a group of hardened criminals!
Geography Lesson
So many items are no longer made in America...
I just bought a new tv and the box said “built in antenna”...
I don’t even know where that is!
Frappucino promise
“I promised my wife I'd remember to bring her a frappucino, but affogato.”
History Repeats Itself
The Judge said to the defendant, "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again?"
"Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell the police but they wouldn't listen."
“Will I tell you how
“Will I tell you how I made the prosthetic foot for the eagle? That wood-be talon.”
Music conservatory bankruptcy
“When the music conservatory declared bankruptcy, their building was fur elise.”
Picky Eater
Think about it...
Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he absolutely had to!
“It was selfie destru
“It was selfie destructive when the guy who took a photo from top of a cliff slipped into the precipice!”
A New Teller
First man: "I hear the First National Bank is looking for a new teller."
Second man: "I thought they just hired a new teller last week."
First man: "Right, that's the one they're looking for."
Faith in the future
“The mad scientist's faith in the future of autonomous cyber-canines was dogmatic.”
Secret Formula
The police recently arrested a man selling "secret formula" tablets he claimed gave eternal youth.
When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud.
He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983....
Meditate with me
“Nobody wants to meditate with me! I guess my 'om' is just getting too much resistance.”
Fly spray
A man walked into a hardware store and picked up a can of fly spray.
"Is this good for wasps?" he asks the assistant.
To which she replies "No, it kills them."
Found on Fly spray funny joke - The Spoof , published on Tuesday, 16 December 2008 by Rusty
Photo by Sian Cooper on Unsplash
