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Short jokes - funny one liners (3001 to 3040)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 3001 to 3040. |
Didn't work 40 hours
“I didn't work 40 hours a week at the medical marijuana store. I was a pot time worker.”
Spelling Pole
Teacher: “Little Johnny, please spell the word 'pole'.”
Little Johnny: “P-O-L.”
Teacher: “But what is at the end of it?”
Little Johnny: “Electrical Wires, but I can’t spell that yet.”
Tough First Day
First day as a police officer...
Captain: "Why did you call for back up?"
Me: "There was a fly in my car."
S.W.A.T. Team Leader: "What exactly do you think we do?"
A proof
“A mathematician once found a proof so shocking that it almost gave him a corollary.”
“The homeless man alw
“The homeless man always thought of owning a mansion and was dwelling on it!”
Friar Gilbert Gottfried Roasts George Takei at the Friars Club
Answering Machine Message 211
As the drugs take hold, you feel you are losing your grip on reality. You begin to hallucinate. You see a telephone... The telephone is next to an answering machine... You hear a faint click and a light flashes on the answering machine... You hear a beep...
The Joys of Basic Training
My MTI (Military Training Instructor) once told me that I was outstanding...
I thanked him...
He then said that I was out standing in the sun too long and it affected my brain.
Helium balloon business
“Helium balloon business reaches new heights after customers speak highly of it.”
People With Busy Lives
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
St. Paul, Minnesota:
For people with lots on their agenda, Minnesota Mining & Manufacturing Company creates 25-inch-by-30-inch Post-It Easel Pads.
“Having not done laun
“Having not done laundry for a few days, I had to dig deep in my drawers for more underwear.”
Friars Dean Martin, Bob Hope, Johnny Carson
Brass bands
“I have trouble liking brass bands. They are all made up of a bunch of blowhards.”
Hey Love
My wife is incredibly smart.
When I called her from my buddy’s phone she answered, “Hey love!”
She already knew it was me.
“When the famous napp
“When the famous napper died his tombstone read R.I.P. Van Winkle.”
Union Bedtime Story
A Union President was sitting at his son's bedside getting ready to read him a bedtime story.
He starts out, "Once upon a time and a half..."
“I painted half of my
“I painted half of my face like a clown today and went for a drive. I'm not sure everyone saw the funny side.”
Question: "What kinds of cloth
Question: "What kinds of clothes are there?"Women's Answer: "Clean and Dirty."
Men's Answer: "Clean, Almost Clean, Sorta Clean, Not bad, Dirty, Really Dirty, Funky, Nasty, Biohazard." (Men will voluntarily wear all but the last classification of these clothes.)
The Speed of Light
My brain travels at the speed of light...
One second it’s here and the next it’s 186,000 miles away.
The Job Interview
Job Interviewer: "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"
Me: "I would say my biggest weakness is listening."
The Only Time
The only time the world beats a path to your door...
Is when you're in the bathroom!
Boyfriend: "ILY."
Girl
Boyfriend: "ILY."
Girlfriend: "Can you please say the words? It makes it better."
Boyfriend: "I'm leaving you."
To Lie Or Not To Lie
Mary Jones was debating on the best means of dropping her current flame.
Her friend ask: "Are you worried because you think he'll tell lies about you?"
Mary answered: "I don't mind the lies, but if he ever tells the truth I will break his neck!"
Thoughts And Quotes
The advice your son rejected is now being given by him to your grandson.
Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life.
Parents often talk about the younger generations as if they didn't have anything to do with it.
Social Security
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on.”
Cooking show
“The King of satyrs tried his hand at directing a cooking show on TV, but only received pan reviews.”
Q: What do you call the sp
Q: What do you call the space between Kim Kardashian's breasts and butt cheeks?
A: Silicon Valley.
