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Short jokes - funny one liners (3641 to 3680)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 3641 to 3680. |
Something I Haven't Done
Little Johnny asks the teacher, “Mrs Roberts, can I be punished for something I haven’t done?”
Mrs Roberts is shocked, “Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair.”
Little Johnny is relieved, “Okay, Mrs Roberts, good to know. By the way, I didn't do my homework last night."
“I was nonplussed at
“I was nonplussed at the ability of the student to add manually minus the aid of an adding machine!”
Teacher: How much is a gra
Teacher: How much is a gram?
Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need
“Seeing the cars, hou
“Seeing the cars, house and lifestyle of the pharmacy owner, friends and relatives accused him of ill-gotten wealth!”
Answering Machine Message 156
Hi, I'm not home because I've gone on a BLOODY RAMPAGE! When I get home, and CLEAN OFF THE BLOOD, I'll be sure to give you a call. If I haven't ALREADY COME OVER, that is. (Coughing loony laughter.)
“Did you hear about t
“Did you hear about the little girl who went upstairs to get some medicine? I think she's coming down with something.”
Four-Leaf Clover
Why is it always a bad idea to iron a four-leaf clover?
Because you should never press your luck.
Answering Machine Message 77
Hello, this is the Yardmaster's Office, Valsetz and Siletz railroad (an actual railroad in Oregon). There is an emergency condition right now due to the landslide. Therefore please be advised of the following. (Another 30 seconds of talking, all of which is drowned out by a passing train.)
“What do you call a n
“What do you call a neighborhood where several authors live? A writers' block.”
My grandfather once told m
My grandfather once told me my generation relied too much on technology, I screamed to him that his dos and unplugged his life support
“My favorite garden s
“My favorite garden store is having a sale on potting soil. It is now dirt cheap.”
“Authentic hemp rope
“Authentic hemp rope is made ac-cord-ing to string-ent regulations.”
Honest Aging
My youngest son asked me how old I was.
I answered, "39 and holding."
He thought for a moment and then asked, "But how old would you be if you let go?"
“I suggested building
“I suggested building beds above each other to save space but the idea was debunked.”
Productivity
I'm great at multi-tasking.
I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
Me: Would you like to be t
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me
75 Cents
The teacher asks Joanie, "If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter and another quarter and then another quarter, how much would you have left?"
Joanie replies, "A million dollars minus 75 cents."
The Electricity Detective
What is the name of the first electricity detective?
Sherlock Ohms!
“Why is it so difficu
“Why is it so difficult to find Christmas puns that slay?”
The Drummer's Daughters
Did you hear about the drummer who gave his daughters the same names?
Anna 1, Anna 2, Anna 3, Anna 4.
Answering Machine Message 109
Hello, this is the Brown residence. We're in the middle of a family fight right now. Leave your name and number at the beep and whoever wins will call you right back.
How We Got Here
My pregnant daughter and her husband were checking out a new birth facility that was more like a spa. The birthing room had a hot tub, soft music, and candlelight.
"What do you think?" she said
He looked around. "Isn't this how we got here in the first place?"
