|
Short jokes - funny one liners (3641 to 3680)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 3641 to 3680. |
Grasshopper
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender laughs and says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!'
The grasshopper looks at the bartender, with a look of extreme confusion on his face, and says, 'You have a drink called Steve?'
Just remember: when you go to...
Just remember: when you go to court, you are trusting your fate to twelve people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!Ever since I switche...
“Ever since I switched to wrinkle free shirts my laundry issues have been less pressing.”
If you're headed to...
“If you're headed to Siberia, a stopover in Mongolia is a steppe in the right direction.”
When an escaped pris...
“When an escaped prisoner was caught camping out in the woods it was a clear case of criminal in tent.”
Typical Human Resources (HR) Response
'I proposed to my girlfriend last night, who just got promoted to an HR position earlier in the day.'
'That is cool! What did she say?'
She said, 'We will get back to you soon.'
My pet feline fell i...
“My pet feline fell into a bowl of seltzer water yesterday. She's been cat-a-tonic ever since.”
I got arrested at th...
“I got arrested at the Farmers Market for disturbing the peas.”
I took my new girlfr...
“I took my new girlfriend out on our first date to the ice rink. Entry was half price. She called me a cheap skate.”
A woman phoned her dentist whe...
A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill. "I'm shocked!" she complained. "This is three times what you normally charge.""Yes, I know," said the dentist. "But you yelled so loud, you scared away two other patients."
Kinda Lame
....ya well we are gonna' make like a tree and leaf
Two women were sitting on the...
Two women were sitting on the front porch of the farm house when they saw a rooster chasing a hen. The hen ran straight into the road and was killed by a passing car. One of the women sighed, "How beautiful. She'd rather die."
Converting to the Society of Friends
Rabbi 1: We've got to do something. Many of the young people in our synagogue are converting to the Quaker faith.Rabbi 2: I've noticed that too. In fact, some of my best Jews are Friends!What did the drummer call his...
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? - Anna one, Anna two...
My girlfriend told me to take...
My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
Born-Again Hindu
A zealous Christian who was trying to convert a Hindu found himself getting nowhere. "The thing is," argued the frustrated Christian, "you have to be born again!" "But I have been born again!" insisted the Hindu. "And again and again and again ..."My hens are in cages...
“My hens are in cages stacked one above the other - that is why they are called layers.”
To the thief who stole my pill...
To the thief who stole my pillow, know this. I will not rest until I find you. I came home & my dog peed a li...
I came home & my dog peed a little because he was happy to see me. None of my friends pee when they see me. I am surrounded by fakes. Answering Machine Message 125
Sorry... I'm far too depressed to come to the phone. If you can be bothered, leave a message after the sound of the gunshot, and maybe somebody will call you I guess... (BANG!)
Due to the cabbage c...
“Due to the cabbage crop failure it was really hard to get ahead!”
Good News, Bad News
A minister stood in front of his congregation and announced, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is that it’s still in your pockets.” Teacher: Suppose, I give you 2...
Teacher: Suppose, I give you 2 dogs. Then I again give you 2 dogs. How many will you have?Student: 5.
Teacher: How?
Student: I have a dog in my house now.
Do you have the stones to say this to your wife
My wife was going through her wardrobe and said "Look at this, it still fits me after 25 years."
I said "It's a freaking scarf."