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Short jokes - funny one liners (3601 to 3640)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 3601 to 3640. |
Country of Pink Cars
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A Pink Car-nation!
Answering Machine Message 196
We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.
Complete vs Finish
Wife: "What is difference between complete and finish?"
Husband: "When you met me, you were complete. When I met you, I was finished."
She Knows Her Geography
"I have traveled just about all over the world."
"Wow, you must know geography well?"
"Oh yes, I spent 2 months there!"
Greatest Comedian in the Bible
Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?A. Samson. He brought the house down.Don't Put Off Till Tomorrow
I'm kind of tired of being an amateur crastinater...
I'm thinking of turning pro, but I'm going to put that decision off for awhile.
“If you are too busy
“If you are too busy to fix a flat tire, you need to find some spare time.”
“The chef who tried t
“The chef who tried to make Italian chipotle was busted for smoking marinara.”
Scratch that Itch
Pool Player #1: "I nicknamed the cue ball on my pool table 'Itch'."
Pool Player #2: "Why?"
Pool Player #1: "I'm always scratching it!"
The sergeant-major growled at
The sergeant-major growled at the young soldier: "I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning."The soldier replied: "Thank you very much, sir."
Fisherman's Tale
One fisherman to another, "You should've seen what happened yesterday at the lake."
"What happened?"
"I caught a twenty-three pound salmon!"
"Were there any witnesses?"
"Yes, of course! If there wasn't, it would've been thirty-three pounds."
Annoying Phone
Irritated Boss: "Can't you hear that the phone is ringing? You must answer the telephone!"
New Secretary: "All right, but it seems so silly. Nine times out of ten, it's for you."
Answering Machine Message 197
This is Frank. You can leave me a message, but I must warn you I get annoyed with messages that are hard to read. So please use your shift key appropriately, avoid overdoing punctuation, and spell-check your message, or I might ignore it.
“I recently took a po
“I recently took a pole and found out 100% of the occupants were angry with me when their tent collapsed.”
Ticket Response
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included.
Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40.
The police responded with another mailed photo -- of handcuffs.
The bus was very crowded when
The bus was very crowded when the young lady got on and a gentleman attempted to rise. She pushed him back gently and he tried to rise once more."No, no, thank you!" she murmured, pushing him back again.
"Please let me get up, lady," he protested. "I'm already two blocks past my stop now."
“After a day of pilla
“After a day of pillaging, the Mongol ruler liked to relax with an ice cream Khan.”
Yo Momma so stupid, when t
Yo Momma so stupid, when the dentist said she needed a crown she thought she was going to be queen
Internet Connection
The internet connection at my farm is really sketchy...
So I moved the modem to the barn.
Now I have stable WiFi!
Said the FBI agent to the bank
Said the FBI agent to the bank teller after the bank was robbed for the third time by the same bandit: "Did you notice anything special about the man?""Yes, he seemed better dressed each time!"
“People say I know a
“People say I know a lot about folk tales but that's just a myth.”
It's Opportunity
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Opportunity!
That is impossible. Opportunity doesn’t come knocking twice!
Answering Machine Message 209
Congratulations! By correctly dialing 123-4567, you have become eligible to leave a message! (Applause.) Join the lucky few that have advanced to the next level! (Cheers.) And now, at the sound of the tone, leave your name, number, the time you called, and a brief message.
Shit! My neighborhood barb
Shit! My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs! I've been his customer for 4 years, but I had no idea he was a barber.
A young woman went to see a fo
A young woman went to see a fortune teller who told her: "You will be broke and unhappy till you are fifty.""What happens when I'm fifty?" asked the young woman.
"Nothing," said the fortune teller. "But you'll be used to it by then."
“The weapon smuggler
“The weapon smuggler had a barrel of fun in the judge's private chamber.”
