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Short jokes - funny one liners (3681 to 3720)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 3681 to 3720. |
“What do you call it
“What do you call it when you take a picture of your favorite bookcase? A shelf-ie!”
Cowards In History
A man went into a bookstore and complained...
“I bought this book from you yesterday, 'Cowards in History' and all the pages fell out!"
The sales assistant said, “That’s because it has no spine.”
“Why do entrepreneurs
“Why do entrepreneurs keep themselves to themselves? They're great at minding their own business.”
Why So Expensive?
Patient- Dr. How much it will cost me to extract my two teeth?
Dentist- $300 US dollars
Patient- How much time it will take?
Dentist- Five minutes
Patient- Five minutes only & it's $300 US dollars! Don't you think that is too expensive?
Dentist- I can do it in 30 minutes if you want?
“Thor was arguing wit
“Thor was arguing with the trickster god. He said, 'Now Loki here...'.”
It's Starting To Rain
As I shopped, the following announcement came over the department store's PA system...
"If someone here has a convertible with the top down, it just started raining... Towels are located in aisle five."
“I am itching to solv
“I am itching to solve those math problems. I just need scratch paper.”
Girlfriend and Best Friend
Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words?
Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.
As I was admitted the hospital
As I was admitted the hospital for a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist, saying "I'm going to give you a bracelet.""Has it got Rubies and Diamonds ?" I ask coyly.
"No," he said. "But it cost just as much."
Girls Are Smarter
"Daddy, did you know that girls are smarter than boys?"
"No, I didn’t know that."
"There you go."
“The ditch-digger did
“The ditch-digger didn't just quit, he yelled, 'Take this job and shovel it!'”
Gold Watch
Bill: Where did you get that gold watch Joe?
Joe: I won it in a race.
Bill: How many people participated in it?
Joe: Three, a policeman, the owner of the watch, and me!
Answering Machine Message 233
(Drunken voice:) You have reached Bob's hotline. We are not able to respond due to uninevitable circumcisions. But if you leave your name and noomber, we won't be in wonder... pa-a-a-a!
“When the arsonist me
“When the arsonist met his girlfriend it was a perfect match. Both of them could light up a room with their presence.”
Time for Pay Raise
I told my boss that three companies were after me, so I needed a raise in pay to stay with the current job.
He asked which companies?
I told him gas, electric, and cable.
Travel In A Sailboat
The banker fell overboard from a friend's sailboat.
The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, "Can you float alone?"
"Obviously," the banker replied, "but this is a heck of a time to talk business."
“I don't think the q
“I don't think the quarterback should have faked the throw and started to run. It was a faux pass.”
Subject to Approval
An item for sale on craigslist....
"Antique sewing table refinished by my wife, $30. [If she’s home, $100.]"
One student fell into a cycle
One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping.He didn't realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note:
"Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad."
The Bum On A Street
A bum asks a man for $2. The man asked, "Will you buy booze?" The bum said, "No." The man asked, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum said, "No." Then the man asked, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"
Happiness Is
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family...
... in another city!
“Each winter my uncle
“Each winter my uncle has his chimney inspected and cleaned. He does this to prepare his home for the 'flue' season!”
Valentine Flowers
When she got flowers from her husband on Valentine's Day, my daughter quickly opened the card. All it said was, "No."
What did that mean? She called her husband and asked him.
"I didn't attach any message. The florist asked if I had a message and I said, 'No'."
“The Genetic marker f
“The Genetic marker for people who are naturally bad at spelling can be found in those with blood Type-O.”
Flat Tire
Two college girls looking at their car's flat tire.
"I don't understand?"
"What?"
"How come the bottom part of the tire always gets a flat?"
"Good question!"
Problem Solved
When I am told, "You'll regret that in the morning", I don't let it bother me.
Being a problem solver, I just sleep in till noon.
The bakery was so wr...
“The bakery was so wrapped up in decorating for Christmas that they even decorated their website's cookies.”
If It Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It
Most people will say, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
An engineer will say, "If it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."
Keeping School Clean
Teacher to the class: "How can we keep our school clean?"
Student: "By staying at home?"
