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Short jokes - funny one liners (3681 to 3720)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 3681 to 3720. |
I thought becoming a...
“I thought becoming a real estate agent would be easy, but I had a lot to learn.”
Answering Machine Message 199
OK, one more time... This is our answering machine... This is the message on our answering machine... Any questions?
Once there was a Sco...
“Once there was a Scottish thief who stole only valuable, antique tartans. When he was arrested, he plaid guilty.”
He wasn't the most...
“He wasn't the most villainous knight in the realm, but he was medieval.”
I like all track and...
“I like all track and field events but I really get a charge out of the pole volt.”
If Prince William vi...
“If Prince William visits the Alps, is he on a scion vacation?”
A woman is breaking up with he....
A woman is breaking up with her fiance. She tells him, "I can't marry you. My feelings for you have changed."The man says, "OK, I want my ring back."
The woman says, "I can't give it back to you. My feelings for the ring haven't changed".
A wee Belfast boy came home fr...
A wee Belfast boy came home from school in tears."What's the matter, son?" asked his mammy.
"We were doing sums today, Mammy," he said.
"And were they too hard?"
"Well, the teacher said either I either couldn't count, or I was stupid, or maybe all three."
A man working with an electric...
A man working with an electric saw accidentally saws off all 10 fingers. He rushes to the emergency room. The doctor says, "Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do.""But I don't have the fingers!"
"Why didn't you bring the fingers?!" asks the incredulous doctor.
"Doc, I couldn't pick them up."
My cousin Henry love...
“My cousin Henry loves automotive history. He never gets tired of studying it. He gets Benz out of shape if you say his hobby is a waste of time. It occupies his every spare moment.”
Teacher: Whats the meaning of
Teacher: Whats the meaning of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder?Student: Bambalakkadi Jimba.
Teacher: I don't understand anything you said.
Student: Same here.
Getting Revenge With Marriage
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he sad to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."
Johnson: "But I want you to."
Wife: "But why?"
Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
“How would you charac
“How would you characterize a devious soviet pollinator spy? A KGB.”
“Watching railway tra
“Watching railway tracks on one's journey is very soothing. I love a bit of Trainscendental Meditation.”
“My wife told me to w
“My wife told me to wear a skirt for the day, and I really kilt it.”
Address Change
It was the usual day at our bank.
A woman came up to customer service and demanded, “What do I have to do to change the address on my account?”
Without looking up, I replied, “Move.”
“Reverend Spooner, wh
“Reverend Spooner, who spent his college days in poverty, was a flat broke frat bloke.”
“I tried to sell the
“I tried to sell the antique string instrument cause I needed the lute.”
To make it stand, you wet it.
To make it stand, you wet it.To make it wet, you suck it.
To make it stiff, you lick it.
To get It in, you push it.
Threading a needle of course, get your mind out of the the gutter!
