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Short jokes - funny one liners (3801 to 3840)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 3801 to 3840. |
I applied for a job...
“I applied for a job as a weatherman, but my knowledge of meteorology was a little cloudy.”
Big Mouth!
A Jewish gentleman stood before a delicatessen display counter and pointed to a tray. "I'll have a pound of that salmon," he said."That's not salmon," the clerk said. "It's ham.""Mister," the customer snapped, "in case nobody ever told you, you got a big mouth!"“Why did the watch ma
“Why did the watch make a quick trip to the dry cleaners? It was pressed for time!”
What Did the Cannibal Say…
Q. What did the cannibal say when he came upon a sleeping missionary.A. "Ah! Breakfast in bed."If Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder...
“If absence makes the heart grow fonder,” said a minister, “a lot of folks must really love our church.”“Quite a few people l
“Quite a few people left the office to attend Ash Wednesday services at lunch - it was a mass exodus!”
Eve's Steep Price
God noticed that Adam was lonely. He said to him "Adam, I am going to give you the perfect companion. She'll cook and clean and listen, she's perfect."Adam replied, "What will she cost me?"God said, "An arm and a leg."Shocked, Adam said, "Well, what can I get for a rib?" Did you ever see the customers
Did you ever see the customers in a health-food store? They are pale, skinny people who look half dead.In a steak house you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying of course, but they look terrific.
“When it comes to dan
“When it comes to dancing, no one can just waltz in and learn instantly. Sometimes it takes a quick-step, or sometimes you need to hustle around. But eventually anyone can get the swing of it.”
“Beware of lumberjack
“Beware of lumberjacks bearing dull tools. They usually have an axe to grind!”
When Life Begins
There's a big controversy on the Jewish view of exactly when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.“If your computer doe
“If your computer doesn't work, I might have some Bits and PCs that could help.”
The Buddha's Vacuum Cleaner
Q: Why did it take the Buddha forever to vacuum his sofa?A: Because he didn't have any attachments.
Answering Machine Message 27
Kazoo band playing "Thus Spake Zarathustra": Thinking you were making an ordinary phone call, you have instead reached... (TA-DAAAAA!) the ANSWERING MACHINE! Leave your name and number, and we will get back to you as soon as we can.Two Kinds of People
There are two kinds of people. Those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."If you want to deliv...
“If you want to deliver a compliment, you have to address them properly.”
What am I supposed to do with this?
"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket."Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them you get a bicycle."
How accurate is this?
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.I sent my baby off t...
“I sent my baby off to the army. They put him in the infantry.”
“If someone fails doi
“If someone fails doing the Heimlich, is it fair to say that he choked?”
“Did you hear about t
“Did you hear about the man who got killed by a bear? It was a grizzly death.”
A husband and wife were shoppi...
A husband and wife were shopping when the wife said, "Darling, it's my mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She would like something electric."The husband replied, "How about a chair?"
Answering Machine Message 192
Hello, this is Ron. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil. (Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around.) OK, what would you like me to tell me?“My wife found a twen
“My wife found a twenty in my pants pocket after she washed and dried them. I had to turn her in to the authorities for money laundering.”
My pot belly pig was...
“My pot belly pig was running and slipped on ice. Wound up injuring a hamstring.”
In the first year of marriage...
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Early Morning Make-Up
A wife started doing her make up as soon as she woke up.
Her husband asked the reason.
She replied, “I have locked my phone with facial recognition. And it’s not recognizing me without makeup.”
I know a lot of joke...
“I know a lot of jokes about bad pole-vaulters, but none of them seem to go over very well.”
