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Short jokes - funny one liners (3841 to 3880)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 3841 to 3880. |
“When I suggested tha
“When I suggested that my wife should alphabetize her recipes, she would have nothing of the sort.”
Climbing into bed last night . . . . . . . .
As I was getting in bed, she said, 'You’re drunk'.
I said, 'How do you know?'
She said, 'You live next door . . . . .'
My Girlfriend Isn't Talking to Me
Apparently, I ruined her birthday.
Not sure how I did that...
I didn't even know it was her birthday!
“Be careful when talk
“Be careful when talking about physics around Darth Vader, he is very force sensitive.”
Little Johnny watched, fascina
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked."To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
“Having rumpled cloth
“Having rumpled clothing is a pressing issue, but I am sure that I can iron out a solution.”
Five year old Little Johnny wa...
Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"The policeman said, "What's he like?"
Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"
The storm chaser was...
“The storm chaser was so fascinated by tornadoes that he tended to get carried away.”
“Soap operas give a g
“Soap operas give a good lather making viewers to froth and bubble!”
Heaven's Unitarian Population
Why are there are no Unitarians in Heaven?Because they heard there was a choice between going to Heaven or a discussion group about the existence of Heaven.“The serial killer wa
“The serial killer was cut-throat in his business dealings and that's why he always made a killing.”
A tourist was admiring the nec
A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian."What is it made of?" she asked.
"Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied.
"I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us."
"Oh no," he objected. "Anybody can open an oyster."
“Whenever the boy fou
“Whenever the boy found himself in hot water his temper would boil.”
Numbers Equal Zero
Theorem : All numbers are equal to zero.
Proof: Suppose that a=b. Then
a = b
a^2 = ab
a^2 - b^2 = ab - b^2
(a + b)(a - b) = b(a - b)
a + b = b
a = 0
Furthermore if a + b = b, and a = b, then b + b = b, and 2b = b, which mean that 2 = 1.
“When words newly coi
“When words newly coined are included in the dictionary, it brings about many a change!”
Exit sign manufactur...
“Exit sign manufacturers are reporting a shortage of the stencils needed to create the signs. In the meantime, price increases for the signs have become an exit stencil reality.”
When We Were First Married
One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, 'When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller.
Don't love me anymore?'
'Nonsense, darling,' replied the husband, 'you just cook better now.'
A Darkened Theater
A strained voice called out through the darkened theater, "Please, is there a doctor in the house?!" Several men stood up as the lights came on. An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her, "Good, are any of you doctors single and interested in a date with a nice, Jewish girl?"A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
"My other car is a broomstick."“What did the narcoti
“What did the narcotics agent say when he arrested the tailor? 'You're basted.'”
A woman comes home and finds h
A woman comes home and finds her husband in bed with a female midget. Furious, she screams, "You promised me you wouldn't cheat on me again!"The husband replies, "Darling, can't you see I'm trying? I've cut down."
Sincerity is everything.
Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
Friar George Burns
One evening, while sitting aro
One evening, while sitting around the dinner table, a little girl looked up and asked her father, "Daddy, you're the boss, right?"Her father was very pleased by this and replied, "Yes."
Then, the little girl continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"
A woman calls her boss one mor...
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.What's the matter?" he asks.
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
he says,"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"
she replies,"I can't see my ass coming into work today."
In the vinyl analysi...
“In the vinyl analysis, plastic waste in the ocean poses a serious threat to marine life.”
I was on the Subway
I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks ‘Are you reading that?'
I didn’t know what to say. So I said yes. I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.
