Sport jokes (76 to 90)

The Baseball Playoffs are On!

Sidney telephones Rabbi Levy. He says, "Rabbi, I know tonight is Yom Kippur, but tonight the Yankees are in the playoffs. Rabbi, I'm a life-long Yankees fan. I've got to watch the Yankees game on TV."Rabbi Levy replies, "Sidney, that's what video recorders are for." Sidney is surprised. "You mean I can tape Yom Kippur?"

Staying Flexible

I said to the gym instructor, “Can you teach me to do the splits?”
She said, “How flexible are you?”
I replied, “I'm pretty flexible, but I can’t make Tuesdays.”

10 Things You Never Hear in Church

1. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew!2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.4. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.6. Forget the denominational minimum salary. Let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do.7. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!8. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.9. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!

Which Olympic event is most pa

Which Olympic event is most painful?

Golf Balls Are Like Eggs

Golf balls are like eggs...
They are both white, sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to go out and buy more.
​

Golf Gimme

The definition of a "gimme" in golf can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers...
Neither of whom can putt very well.
​

Best Guide In Maine

A hunting party is hopelessly lost. “I thought you said you were the best guide in Maine!” one of the hunters angrily said to their confused leader.
“I am, “replied the guide. “But I think we’re in Canada now.”

Cast the First Stone

Jesus was in the town square as a mob was bringing in an adultress to be stoned. When he realized what was about to happen, he called out in his Son of God voice, "LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE!" Well, this kind of put a damper on the party; people started looking guilty and dropped their stones. Suddenly a baseball-sized stone came whistling in from the edge of the crowd, striking the adultress square in the forehead, shattering her skull, and dropping her dead. Jesus, rising to his toes, looked in the direction of the thrower and called out, "Nice arm, Mom."

A Golfer's Deal With the Devil

A golfer was having a tough day and in his frustration he blurted out, "I would give anything for a birdie on this hole." A nearby stranger walked out of the woods beside the hole and whispered, "If you give up one quarter of your sex life, I guarantee you will make this shot."The golfer said "OK." He made the shot for birdie.A few holes later, he was having trouble on another hole. "Please, let me make this for eagle" he said.Again, the stranger stepped up to him and said, "If you give up another quarter of your sex life, you will make eagle.""You're on," the golfer said, and made the shot for eagle.On the eighteenth hole, the golfer needed an eagle to win. The stranger again stepped up and said "If you give up the last half of your sex life, you will make eagle to win.""OK," the golfer said, and made his shot for eagle, winning the round.As he was walking back to the clubhouse, the stranger walked up beside him and said, "I think I should inform you that I am the Devil, and from now on you will have no sex life."The golfer turned to him, smiled, and said, "Nice to meet you, my name is Father O'Malley!"

Because of terrorist concerns,

Because of terrorist concerns, some African Olympic athletes have to conceal their identity and compete under Sudan names.

Mericful Mountain Lion

A priest was hiking in the woods when suddenly a mountain lion appeared, ready to devour the man whole. The priest quickly falls to his knees, looks up to the heavens and prays, "Dear God, please teach this lion mercy and give him religion." A chorus of angels is heard as a beam of light shines down on the mountain lion. The lion then drops to his knees, looks up to heavens and prays, "Dear God, bless you for this food I'm about to receive."

Early Riser

Exercise works best first thing in the morning...
Before your brain figures out what you're doing.

A Good Day for Ice Fishing

After church, little Johnny and his brother go ice fishing. Little Johnny starts drilling on the ice when a voice from above says, "Young man, there's no fish down there.”Little Johnny asks his brother, "Who is that?"His brother replies, "I don't know."So little Johnny starts to drill again and the voice says again, "For the second time, there's no fish down there."Little Johnny asks his brother, "Could that be God?"His brother replies again, "I don't know." Little Johnny starts drilling again and the voice says once more, "Young man, for the last time, I'm telling you there's no fish down there."Johnny looks up and asks, "Is that you, God?"The voice says, "No, I'm the manager and the rink's closed."-

Chicken Workout

Why did the chicken join the gym?
To work on his pecks!

Someone stole my Swedish car:

Someone stole my Swedish car: it's a real Saab story. I don't mean to get emotional; I guess I'm too inVolvo'ed. Heck I've even considered going scuba diving, to see if it's buried underwater – but I'm afraid of getting the Benz. I know, it's my own fault; I really should be driving a Mazda Me-oughta, especially after the hos had blown on my loaner, a Poontiac. GM cars really make me Buick. (As for British imports – get Bentley!)