The best jokes (16801 to 16815)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 16801 to 16815. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
John goes to the deli for some
John goes to the deli for some soup. After he's seated and about to eat he calls the waiter over.When the waiter comes he says, "Taste this soup."
The waiter says, "Why what's wrong with the soup?"
John says, "Taste this soup."
The waiter says, "John, you've come in here for thirty years and you always get the soup, you've never complained before."
John says, "Taste this soup."
The waiter says, "What? What is it? If you don't want the chicken soup we have other kinds - vegetable, Italian Ministrone?"
John says, "Taste this soup!"
The waiter finally agrees, "Fine John, fine! I'll taste the soup".
He leans over the table prepared to taste the soup, he hesitates and says, "Where's your spoon?"
"Exactly," says John, "Where's my bloody spoon?"
In the Dim Light
A wife talks to her husband with a sweet voice, “You look great in that dim light. You look just like Brad Pitt.”
Lifting his eyebrows, the husband asks, “And how do you know Brad Pitt?”
“When the Army barrac
“When the Army barracks bathroom is in use, it's usually by the loo tenant.”
Wood you consider lumberjacks
Wood you consider lumberjacks to be hew man beings? It's a difficult question, but I have to axe.Why did the bitter former soun
Why did the bitter former sound-effects technician lose his hair?Wife orders the husband to go
Wife orders the husband to go to mother-in-law to pick her up for her doctor's appointment.The husband drove to mother-in-law's house and saw her busy chattering
with the neighbor's young wife. He came and reminded her of doctor's appointment and ask her to be quick.
The mother-in-law would not give up blabbering to the neighbor so after couple reminders the husband came held her from the arm and drag her to the car saying, "Sorry mom you can't miss your health appointment, I had to do it."
The mother-in-law defended, "You know that woman, she simply would not stop listening to me."
Arnold Schwarzenegger Impressions
My wife kicked me out because of my awful Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions.
But don’t worry...
I’ll return!
What's Coming Up
An aging comedian is a guest on a late night talk show.
"What do you have coming up?" the interviewer asks him.
"Mostly phlegm."
I'll Take Up Sports
The wife was telling me I need more exercise. I told her, "Well, I'll take up sports then."
She laughed and said, "Why don't you just order the sports channel on cable? Shaking your fist at the TV and yelling at the games is more exercise than you'll get actually playing them."
A yuppie walked into a doctor\
A yuppie walked into a doctor's surgery and demanded the quack have a look at his d***."Why, what's wrong with it?" the doc asked.
"I'll show you", the yuppie yelled, and dropped his trousers.
His d*** was the size of a jellybean, and the doctor couldn't help himself. He burst out laughing.
"It's nothing to laugh at," complained the yuppie, close to tears. "It's been swollen like that for the last three days."
Carrot jokes
It is International Carrot Day! Have a carrot!
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
Why did the carrot get an award?
Because it was outstanding in its field!
Why do carrots never start a fight?
Because they always turnip the beet!
What do you call a carrot that insults other vegetables?
A veggie-taunter!
