The best jokes (17146 to 17160)

David Copperfield is doing his

David Copperfield is doing his magic show and asks if anyone would like to show him a trick.
"I will", replies a guy in the audience, "but I'm going to need your wife Claudia and a table."
"Ok", says David and the guy gets on stage.
He then bends Claudia over the table, pulls down her knickers and starts f**king her from behind.
David is now very pissed off and says, "That isn't a trick!!!"
The guy just looks at David Copperfield and replies, "I know, it's f**king magic."

The first carpenter

“The first carpenter to sail around the world took his screw with him.”

"Do you really believe your hu

"Do you really believe your husband when he tells you he goes fishing every weekend?" asked June's best friend.
"Why shouldn't I?" said June.
"Well, maybe he is having an affair?"
"No way," said June, "he never returns with any fish..."

Whether or not I am aroused by

Whether or not I am aroused by cows in lingerie makes no negligée-bull difference!

“My uncle is the bass

“My uncle is the bass in a barbershop quartet. Yesterday was his first time to sing so low.”

“What do you call an

“What do you call an unsuccessful spinal surgery? A debackle.”

“Odorless perfumes ar

“Odorless perfumes are non-scents.”

Indian women gather

“Where Indian women gather. It's a sari site.”

What Did You Do?

Aviator: First one wing came off and then the other.
Listener: What did you do?
Aviator: I grabbed a drumstick and had a second helping.

 Doctor Doctor Collection 10

Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar
Don't worry you'll soon change!
Doctor, Doctor you've taken out my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins and my appendix, but I still don't feel well.
That's quite enough out of you!
Doctor, Doctor I've got bad teeth, foul breath and smelly feet.
Sounds like you've got Foot and Mouth disease!
Doctor, Doctor my husband smells like fish
Poor sole!
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a spider
What a web of lies!
Doctor, Doctor I'm a burglar!
Have you taken anything for it?
Doctor, Doctor my baby is the image of his father
Never mind just so long as he's healthy!

“A school of fish is

“A school of fish is where you learn about the ABCs.”

Stool sample

I went to see my doctor and he asked for a stool sample.

So i decided to take a basic woodworking course.

No Thumbs

What do you call a judge with no thumbs?
Justice Fingers.

“What evaluation proc

“What evaluation process is used by the Journal of Dermatological Science? Pore review.”

Convicted and fined

“Convicted and fined, he had no rights and nothing left so he decided to go straight.”