The best jokes (17161 to 17175)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 17161 to 17175. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
A programmer went to the docto
A programmer went to the doctor complaining about wrist pain. The doctor poked and prodded for a while and then issued of a prognosis:"You have carpal tunnel syndrome, but it's in the early stages. You should be able to continue work, but you should give up half of your programming."
"Which half? Writing memos about it or attending meetings about it?"
Music On the Fly
This lady I know is pretty incredible at composing music on the fly...
But one day she fell off!
The nurse was administering me
The nurse was administering medication to an elderly patient. "Hi, I have your medication for you. I'm going to give you some Pepcid for your stomach, but I'm putting it in your IV."The patient looked a bit perplexed. "Okay, Um, I have a question."
"Oh, what's your question?"
"Well, I hope you don't mind me asking, but I was just wondering...why Pepsi and not Coke?"
Who has big breasts? My friend
Who has big breasts? My friend, Melanie.Why do those with big noses li
Why do those with big noses like making out with their supervisors?Who's To Blame
The recent volcano eruptions in Kilauea and Volcan de Fuego prompted representatives all over the globe to have an Earthquake Summit.
When San Adreas arrived everyone point fingers and said, "It's your fault!"
Jewish Country Songs
* Honkey Tonk Nights On The Golden Heigh lo * I Was One Of The Chosen People ‘Til She Chose Somebody Else * Stand By Your Merch * I'm Crying In The Manischewitz * The Shikoas Gonna Hit The Fan! * Four Thousand Years Of Sufferin' And I Had To Go And Marry You * Eighteen Wheels And A Dozen Latkes * You've Been Talkin' Hebrew In Your Sleep Since The Rabbi's Come To Town * You Picked A Fine Time To Leave Me Schiemiel* Yippee Ko Yi Oy! -Two elderly women were fussing
Two elderly women were fussing about their husbands over tea one day."I do wish my Leroy would stop biting his nails. That makes me terribly nervous!" the first one said.
"Oh, my Elmer used to do the same thing," the other woman commented. "But I broke him of that habit real quick."
"What did you do?"
"I hid his teeth!"
Hanukkah Songs That Never Quite Caught On:
-Oy to the World
– Schlepping Through A Winter Wonderland
– Hava Negilah – The Megamix
– Bubbie Yetta Got Run Over By A Reindeer
– Enough With Those G** D**** Jingle Bells Already…Sheez!
– Matzo Man (By The Lower East Side Village People)
– I Have A Little Dreidel (The Barking Dog Version)
– Come On Baby, Light My Menorah
– Deck The Halls With Balls of Matzos
– Silent Night? I Should Be So Lucky!
Hymns for Senior Citizens
"Precious Lord, Take My hand and Help Me Up”"It Is Well With My Soul, but My Knees Hurt”"Just a Slower Walk with Thee”"Go Tell It on the Mountain, but Please Speak Up”"Nobody Knows the Trouble I Have Seeing”Call It A Day
An Irishman had just walked into a bar when he tripped over and fell.
He got up and said, "Guess I can call it a day."
A mathematician leaves a conference only to find...
A mathematician leaves a conference only to find that the last train has gone.Being a devout Christian, he falls to his knees and prays: "God, if it lies within your will, please send me a way to get home tonight!".
To his astonishment, there is a swirl of ethereal music, and an angel descends from the clouds, and moments later a shiny black Audi appears where it wasn't before. "Hail, thou who has found favour with the Lord!" proclaims the angel. "Here is your way home" - and the angel hands him the keys to the Audi.
An hour or so later, the mathematician is parking outside his house, and he once again kneels and prays, "Lord, who has heard my prayer and been gracious unto me, I now ask that you take back this gift. I only wanted to get home, and you have done all that I could have asked - so let me not be tempted by the desire for material gains."
There is another swirl of ethereal music, and a still more glorious creature appears. The mathematician bows reverently, and says "Have I the honour of addressing Michael, or are you Gabriel?"
"Why do you ask?" says the radiant figure.
"Because," says the mathematician, "if you are here to undo the function of an angel, you must be an arcangel."
Business One-liners 102
When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
When your opponent is down, kick him.
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
Where you stand depends on where you sit.
While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
Why did the Roman Empire collapse? What is the Latin for office automation?
Why is it that there are so many more horses' asses than there are horses? - G. Gordon Liddy
Why worry about tomorrow? We may not make it through today.
Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything.
You're not drunk if you can lay on the floor without holding on.
