The best jokes (17176 to 17190)

Young people had no free time,

Young people had no free time, in the Busy teen Era.

Back 2 work, it's Monday

Back 2 work, it's Monday!

The Bum

Q: What does a bum call a dumpster.
A: Bed and Breakfast.

A young college student had st

A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them. Each bird had a sack over its head; only the legs were showing. He sat straight in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each of the birds' legs and give the common name, habitat, genus and species.
The student looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it the madder he got.
Finally he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?" With that the student threw his test on the professor's desk and walked to the door.
The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn't know every student's name so as the student reached the door the professor called, "Mister, what's your name?"
The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said, "You tell me buddy! You tell me!"

Jimmy Carr: Teasing

My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her. I said, 'Alright, fatty.'

Bricks

Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyse the situation.

Ted ran a successful flo...

Ted ran a successful flower shop. One day, right next door to his store, a bunch of monks opened up a flower shop too. They started doing so well they were putting him out of business, so he begged them to relocate. They didn't. He sent his sweet little old mother to beg them to move and they still refused. Ted was worried. So he hired the biggest, meanest guy in town, Hugh, to rough up the monks and send hem a message. Right after that the monks immediately packed up and relocated and all was right with the world. The moral of the story? Hugh and only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars.

cold blonde

What do you call a blonde in a freezer?

Frosted flakes........

Baby Digital Watch

Q: What did the baby digital watch say to the mommy analog watch?
A: Look Ma, no hands!

Emergency in the kitchen? Use ...

Emergency in the kitchen? Use pasta SOS.

At a bar Tom said to Bill; “Un...

At a bar Tom said to Bill; “Uncle tried to make a new kind of car. He took wheels from a Cadillac, radiator from a Lexus, tires from a Ford”
“What did he get? Asked Bill
“Two years.” Said Tom

A woman walked up to a little ...

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"

A beggar walked up to a well-d...

A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days."

She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."

"Doctors at a hospital in Broo...

"Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs."

Now hiring

Q: What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?

A: They're hiring.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Glaci