The best jokes (17191 to 17205)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 17191 to 17205. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
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Q: What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?A: They're hiring.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
An Indian politician went to t...
An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings.He asked "How can you afford all this on a meager senator's salary?"
The senator smiled knowingly and took him to the window.
"Can you see the river?"
"Yes"
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
"Of course", said the minister.
"10 percent", said the senator smugly.
Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian minister lavished hospitality on him. When they came to his house, the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants et "How can you possibly afford this on your salary?," he asked.
The minister called him to the window.
"See the river over there?"
"Sure," cried the senator.
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
The senator looked, was confused, peered closely an No, I don't see any bridge.
"100 percent," said the minister !!
The young mother skeptically e...
The young mother skeptically examined a new educational toy."Isn't it rather complicated for a small boy?" she asked the salesclerk.
"It's designed to adjust the tot to live in today's world, madam," the shop assistant replied. "Any way he tries to put it together is wrong."
Tricked into watching Happ...
Tricked into watching Happy Days, I fell victim to a Fonzi Scheme.Gift For Snow White
Snow White received a camera as a gift. She happily took pictures of the Dwarfs and their surroundings. When she finished her first batch she took the film to be developed. After a week or so she went to get the finished photos. The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor.
Needless to say, she was disappointed and started to cry. The clerk, trying to console her, said,
"Don't worry. Someday your prints will come".
Three Beggars
There are three beggars begging on Wall Street.The first beggar wrote "Beggar" on his broken cup. He received $10.00 after one day.
The next day, the second beggar wrote "Beggar.com" on his cup. After one day, he received hundreds of thousands of dollars and an offer to float an IPO on NASDAQ.
The following day, the third beggar wrote "e-Beg" on his cup. Microsoft, IBM, and HP sent corporate vice-presidents to talk to him about strategic alliances and offered him free hardware consultancy. In addition, it was reported on CNBC that e-Beg uses 95% Oracle technology and that I2 announced the launch of BegTradeMatrix, a b2b industry portal offering supply chain integration in the beggar community.
Great bar
Two guys wandered into a bar.One of the men shouted to the barkeeper, "Hiya, Mike, set 'em up for me and my pal here."
Then he turned to his slightly dim partner and boasted, "This is a great bar. For every two drinks you buy, the house gives you one. And the pinball machines in the back are free!"
"That's not so great," responded the friend. "There's a bar across town that'll match you drink for drink, and you can get laid in the back for free."
"Where is this place?" the first guy exclaimed.
"Oh, I don't know," the dim fellow replied, "But my wife goes there all the time."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Answering Machine Message 86
Welcome to the Afterlife Voice Mail System. If you are trying to reach Heaven, please press 1. For Valhalla, press 2. For Hades, press 3. If you are trying to reach Nirvana, you're going about it all wrong, so we certainly can't help you. If you'd just like to leave a message for Sean, wait for the beep.
Nude beach
A young husband and wife were sunning on a nude beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman's vagina.The husband covered her with a coat, pulled on his shorts, carried her to the car and made a dash to the hospital.
After examining her, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with forceps.
He suggested the husband try to entice it out by putting honey on his penis, penetrating her and withdrawing as soon as he felt the wasp.
The man agreed to try, but because he was so nervous, he couldn't rise to the occasion. "if neither of you objects," the doctor said, "I could give it a try."
Under the circumstances, both agreed. The doctor quickly undressed, slathered on some honey and mounted the woman.
The husband watched with increasing alarm as the doctor's thrust continued for several long minutes. "Hey, What the hell is happening?"
"Change of plans," The physician panted. " I'm going to drown the little bastard!."
Two Indians were riding across...
Two Indians were riding across the plains on their ponies. They pulled to a stop to check if they were being followed. The first one climbs down off of his pony and puts his ear to the ground.The second one asks the first one what he hears.
The first one says "buffalo come."
The second one says "I see nothing moving for miles, how do you know this?"
The first one replies, putting his hand to his cheek: "face all sticky"
Wedding speech
My nephew was getting married to a doctor's daughter.
At the wedding reception, the father of the bride stood to read his toast, which he had scribbled on a piece of scrap paper. Several times during his speech, he halted, overcome with what I assumed was a moment of deep emotion.
But after a particularly long pause, he explained, “I'm sorry. I can't seem to make out what I've written down.”
Looking out into the audience, he asked, “Is there a pharmacist in the house?”
