The best jokes (17446 to 17460)

House of Night

My favorite spot at our local zoo is the House of Night, where nocturnal creatures crawl and fly about. One very bright day, I stepped into the exhibit and was plunged into total darkness. Almost immediately, a small hand grabbed mine.
"And who do you belong to?" I asked.
His answer came swiftly: "I'm yours till the lights come on!”

I Was Kidnapped

I was kidnapped by mad scientist who experimented on me, replacing my limbs with animal ones.
If I ever see him again I'll tear him apart with my bear hands.

The study of puns: agr

The study of puns: agroanomy.

Bilbo gave up the Ring, saying

Bilbo gave up the Ring, saying “Better Safe than Sauron.”

People say smog is a city prob

People say smog is a city problem, but that's not true. Like when I drive to the farm – all I see is hays.

I was going to give you a pig

I was going to give you a pig but I didn't want to boar you.

Do sail

Do sailors have to take courses in anchor management?

#joke #short

Imams don't like it when

Imams don't like it when people lose a lot of weight. I knew one who even issued fatwas.

I don't know if I like H

I don't know if I like HD technology – I find it a bit too Bluray.

Church Bulletin Bloopers: Prayers and Illnesses

Due to the rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes. On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: God Is Good--Dr. Hargreaves is better. This Sunday morning following services we will have our monthly feelowship. Said during a congregational prayer when leading prayer for unsaved loved ones: “Father, we just want to pray for our unloved saved ones.”Lift up our Messianic brothers and sisters in Israel who are suffering during our prayer time. “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, even though he diets, yet shall be live.” On a church postcard: “I have received Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I would like a personal call.”Church sign: “Jesus Saves!” Safeway sign across the street: “Safeway saves you more!” -

Anyone in the field of organ d

Anyone in the field of organ donation measurement has a lung weigh to go.

What the maestro said when the

What the maestro said when the orchestra player sneezed: “Bassoonteit!”

Parking A Boat

If the Internet had a boat, where would they park it?
In Google Docs.

How did

How did the illiterate tyrant sign his name?

Biblical flood stories tend to

Biblical flood stories tend to have a certain narrative Ark.