The best jokes (2596 to 2610)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 2596 to 2610. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Baboom
Forgot my Pin for the 3rd time today...
As expected, I'm now banned from Grenade training.
Money Aged Over Youth
60 may be the new 40...
But the $100 dollar bill is the new $20 dollar bill.
Adult Fears
When I was a little boy, I used to be afraid of the dark...
Now as an adult, I see the electric bill and I'm afraid of the light!
Johnny's Math Lesson
The arithmetic teacher had written 10.9 on the blackboard and had then rubbed out the decimal point to show the effect of multiplying this number by ten.
"Johnny," the teacher asked, "where is the decimal point now?"
"On the eraser!" came back the quick reply.
Dentist's Office
Why wouldn't the dentist display his awards?
He wanted to prevent plaque buildup.
Love My Wife
To show my wife how much I love her I bought her a beautiful diamond ring...
I had it engraved with the cost.
Why Are They So Strong?
Why are Saturday and Sunday so strong?
Because the rest of the days are weekdays.
Never Single
Do you know why potatoes are never single in a bag?
Because they have a lot of buds.
Do You Take Children
The father of three called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room. The clerk told him that the rates depended on room size and number of people.
"Do you take children?" the father asked.
"No, sir," replied the clerk. "We only take cash and credit cards."
Drunk
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best lay in town!"
Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, and the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.
Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just screwed your mom, and it was sweet!"
Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar.
Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!"
Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad,... you're drunk!"
Hung Chow calls into work and...
Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, boss I no come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomachache and my legshurt, I no come work." The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today.
When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex.That makes everything better and I go work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."
One wish
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish."
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish. A wish you think would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing,' and how I can make a woman truly happy."
After a few minutes, God said, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
A man wakes up one morning to...
A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."
