The best jokes (3211 to 3225)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 3211 to 3225. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
A man went to his doctor and t...
A man went to his doctor and told him that he had not been feeling well lately. The doctor examined the man, left the room, and came back with three different bottles of pills. “Here take the green pill with a big glass of water when you wake up,” he said. “Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. Then just before going to bed take the red pill with another big glass of water.”Worried to be put on so much medicine the man said. “Oh, Doc! Now exactly what is my problem?”
The doctor replied, “You are not drinking enough water.”
Hospital Rules
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student aide, Sam found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need Sam's help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let Sam wheel him to the elevator. On the way down Sam asked him if his wife was meeting him. I don't know, he said. She is still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.
#joke #doctor
A man asked his doctor if he t...
A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be 100. The doctor asked the man, "Do you smoke or drink?"
"No," he replied. "I've never done either."
"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or fool around with women?" inquired the doctor.
"No, I've never done any of those things either."
"Well, then," said the doctor, "why would you want to live to be 100?"
#joke #doctor
A distraught investor called h...
A distraught investor called his financial advisor. “Is my money really all gone?” He wailed. “No, no,” the advisor answered calmly. “It’s just with somebody else!”
#joke #short
MIDDLETOWN, Ohio (AP) - The ci
MIDDLETOWN, Ohio (AP) - The city's tax superintendent has been suspended without pay for a week for trying to inject some humor in the city income tax filing instructions.The forms - with such lines as, "If we can tax it, we will," - were sent last week to all Middletown businesses and residents who pay city income tax.
The attempt at humor by Linda Stubbs was called "misguided" by city Finance Director John Lyons.
Lyons said revised forms were sent out immediately at a cost to taxpayers of about $5,500.
Among the lines that city officials didn't think were very funny was this one:
"Free advice: if you don't have a profit in a five-year period, you might want to consider another line of work."
Middletown is about 25 miles northeast of Cincinnati.
#joke
The teacher noticed that Johnn...
The teacher noticed that Johnny had been day dreaming for a long time. She decided to get his attention."Johnny," she said, "If the world is 25,000 miles around and eggs are sixty cents a dozen, how old am I? "Thirty-four," Johnny answered unhesitatingly. The teacher replied "Well, that's not far from my actual age. Tell me...how did you guess?"
Oh, there's nothing to it," Johnny said. "My big sister is seventeen and she's only half-crazy."
#joke #food #egg
You cannot correct an old person...
You cannot correct an old person every time they say something offensive. You would never make it through Thanksgiving dinner!
A boy asks his dad...
A boy asks his dad, “What’s the difference between potential and realistic?” The dad tells him to go ask the rest of his family if they’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then he’d tell him the answer. The boy goes up to his mom and asks her. She responds, “A million dollars is a lot of money sweetheart. I could send you, your sister, and your brother to great colleges, so sure, I would!” He then goes and asks his sister to which she replies, “Brad Pitt? Hell ya, he’s the hottest guy ever!” Next, the boy asks his brother who replies, “A million dollars? Hell yes I would. I’d be rich!” When the boy excitedly returns to his dad with the family’s responses, the dad says, “Well son, potentially, we have three million dollars. Realistically, we have two sluts and a queer.” #joke #mother #mom
It's sad how quickly people can forget
It's sad how quickly people can forget about you, until they want something from you. #joke #short
Drinking age should be eighteen
The drinking age should be eighteen. When you're eighteen you're old enough to vote. You should be old enough to drink. Look who we have to vote for! You need a drink!
#joke #short
Drivers Licence
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."
