The best jokes (3466 to 3480)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 3466 to 3480. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
A blonde's car gets a flat ti...
A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road.She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. She then takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers...
Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives.
The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?"
"My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly.
"Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer...
"Helllllooooo, those are my emergency flashers!" she replies.
Little Johnny and the math teacher...
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO, and the Cartoon Network!"
At a local coffee bar, a young...
At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. Entertain. And stay home at night!"
An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Girl, if that's all you want, get a TV!"
A frustrated father told his w
A frustrated father told his work colleague: "When I was a youngster, I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper. But in my son's room he has a color TV, computer, game console, cell phone, iPad and DVD player.""So what do you do?"
The father replied: "I send him to my room!"
Finally, the good-natured boss
Finally, the good-natured boss was compelled to call Sam into his office."It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium, you have to take your uncle to the doctor."
"You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Sam. "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose he's faking, do you?"
Do You Drink?
Lady: Do you drink?
Man: Yes
Lady: How much a day?
Man: 3 6 packs
Lady: How much per 6 pack
Man: about $10.00
Lady: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: 15 years
Lady: So 1 6 pack cost $10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. In one year, it would be $10,800 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at $162,000 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't drank, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink?
Lady: No
Man: Where's your f*cking Ferrari then?
A Problem Shared
They say that "a problem shared is a problem halved..."
I'm not too sure about that as last night I told my wife that my girlfriend was pregnant.
New Hearing Aids
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He finally went to a doctor, and was fitted with excellent new hearing aids.
He returned a month later for a checkup, and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect! Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”
The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven't told my family just yet. I still sit around quietly; but, now I listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times already.
Knowing Your Spouse
One of the funniest memories I have of the trials and tribulations of making the journey from childhood to adulthood was our annual summer vacation trek from Chicago to a cabin usually someplace on a lake in Wisconsin or Michigan.
Every year, it seems, we would get on a highway a few miles out of the city, and mom would wail, “Oh my goodness! I think left the iron on.” And almost every year we would turn around and go back. But as I recall, not once was it was ever plugged in. She often had the same fear that all our earthly possessions would disappear in a fire caused by her forgetfulness.
When I was about 14 years old, we were headed out of Chicago for Lake Geneva, Wisconsin and, sure enough, Mom gasped, “I just know I left the iron on.”
My father didn't say a word, just pulled over onto the shoulder of the road, got out, opened the trunk and handed her the iron.
An old guy in his Volvo is dri...
An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work when his wife rings him on his car phone."Honey", she says in a worried voice, "Be careful! There was a bit on the news just now, some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the freeway".
"It's worse than that!", he replies, "There are hundreds of them!"
Banging
My bloody rude neighbour came over banging on the door at 2.00am last night.
.........Luckily I was still up playing my drums!!
Hat Tip > Roland
