The best jokes (481 to 495)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 481 to 495. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
The Conscientious Ransomer
I got attacked by ransomware and was asked for money...
I sent them my pay stub...
Not only did they immediately remove the malware from my system, but they also put some money into my account.
Inside Joke
My mate recently got divorced from his wife.
They decided to split the house.
He got the outside.
Piano Tuner Visit
The doorbell rang and the lady of the house discovered a workman, complete with tool chest, on the front door. “Lady,” he announced, “I’m the piano tuner.”
The lady exclaimed, “Why, I didn’t send for a piano tuner.”
The man replied, “I know, but your neighbors did.”
A few fresh jokes to start Monday with a smile on your face
I walked into a bakery and asked the lady at the register if I could buy a bagel with cream cheese. "Sorry" she replied. "We only accept cash"
A fly with a bug on its back said
Hey is that a mite? The mite replied "I mite be".
The fly replied that's the worst joke I've ever heard!
The mite said, well I came up with it on the fly!
I took my dog to the park today to play frisbee with him…
He was useless!
I need a flatter dog!
I phoned my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on my way home from work but she just grunted at me...
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins!
I Had A Disease
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive.
It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
A Dangerous Place
Restaurant bathrooms are really, really dangerous...
So many of my first dates have gone to use them and vanished.
You Can't Cut Down A Talking Tree
A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.
"You can't cut me down," the tree exclaims, "I'm a talking tree!"
The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
Missing Taxi Driver
Magistrate: "What was he doing when you arrested him?"
Policeman: "He was arguing with a taxi driver, Your Honor."
Magistrate: "That is no proof he was drunk."
Policeman: "Well, Your Honor, there was no taxi driver there."
Confucius Says...
Confucius says...
"Man who stands in front of car gets tired, man who stands behind car gets exhausted."
Hospital Sign
A hospital posted a notice in the nurses' mess saying:
"Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous."
Underneath, a nurse had written:
"The last five are pretty risky, too."
Definition of a Bachelor
What is the definition of a bachelor?
A man who doesn't have to leave the party just as he's beginning to enjoy himself.
Wife Is Being Unfaithful
How can you tell if your wife is being unfaithful?
You move from Chicago to Seattle and you still have the same mailman.
Instead of Drew, I'm going to name my kid...
Instead of Drew, I'm going to name my kid Driew.Now I know what you're thinking, but it's only weird if you read it backwards
