The best jokes (5146 to 5160)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 5146 to 5160. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Twenty-Five Dollar Haircut
A balding man went into a barber’s shop and asked how much it would be for a haircut.
“Twenty-five dollars,” said the barber.
“Twenty-five dollars, that’s crazy!” exclaimed the man. “I’ve hardly got any hair. How can it be that expensive?”
The barber explained, “It’s $5 for the actual cut and $20 for the search fee.”
A tall blonde
A tourist had lost his way on a back road and stopped at a farmhouse to ask if he could be stay there for the night.
“Well, we’re mighty crowded since there’s already someone in the spare room,” replied the farmer. “But I guess you can stay if you don’t mind sharing the bed with a tall blonde.”
The tourist puffed out his chest and replied, “That’s fine by me and in case you’re worried, I want you to know I’m a gentleman.”
“Well,” mused the farmer, “as far as I can tell, so is the tall blonde.”
Joke Found on Starts at 60
Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash
Tough First Day
First day as a police officer...
Captain: "Why did you call for back up?"
Me: "There was a fly in my car."
S.W.A.T. Team Leader: "What exactly do you think we do?"
Flush Them Out
Sergeant: "Private, I think the enemy soldiers are hiding in the woods. I want you to go in there and flush them out for us."
Private: "Yes, sir! But if you see a bunch of guys running out the woods, don’t shoot the one in front, sir!"
Two bowling teams, one all blo...
Two bowling teams, one all blondes, one all bruneettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.The brunette team rides on the bottom level of the bus, the blonde team rides on the top level.
The brunette team, down below, is whooping it up and having a great time until one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs, and she decides to investigate.
When the brunette reaches the top, she finds the blonde team staring straight ahead at the road, frozen in fear, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
"Whats going on up here?" asks the brunette. "We're having a great time downstairs!"
"Yeah," screams a terrified blonde, "but you've got a driver!"
A dog walks into the unemploym
A dog walks into the unemployment office and asks a man behind the desk if he would help him find work.The man, astonished at the sight of a speaking dog, replies, "I think I can help you." The guy was immediately on the phone to the circus to find out if they could use the dog in their routine.
The dog overhears some of this conversation and says, "I hate to interrupt, but what would the circus want with a brick layer?"
Cheap Cell Phones
As a senior citizen on a fixed income I realize that the days of cheap cell phones are over...
Now, if I fall and hear a crack, I am hoping it's my leg and not my cell phone.
New Chemical Formula
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said its H to O!
The day after his wife vanished in a kayaking accident...
The day after his wife vanished in a kayaking accident, Long, a man from Anchorage, opened his door to find two serious-looking Alaska State Troopers standing before him."Mr. Wilkens, we regret to inform you that we have news regarding your wife," one trooper began.
"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens blurted out, anxiously.
The troopers exchanged glances. One spoke, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some fantastic news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Bracing himself, a pale Mr. Wilkens responded, "Give me the bad news."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry, sir, but we recovered your wife's body in Kachemak Bay this morning."
"Oh no!" gasped Wilkens.
After a moment, he gathered himself and asked, "So, what's the good news?"
The trooper explained, "Well, when we brought her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and six large Dungeness crabs attached to her. We're confident you’re entitled to a share of the catch."
Stunned, Wilkens asked, "If that's the good news, then what's the fantastic news?"
With a straight face, the trooper replied, "We're pulling her up again tomorrow."
Checking out
A woman rushes into the foyer of a large hotel and sprints up to reception, she hammers on the bell.
Yes, says the receptionist irritably.
Excuse me, says the woman, but I'm in a frightful hurry, could you check me out, please?
The clerk stares at her, looks her up and down.Not bad, he smiles, not bad at all.
Watch For Fallen Rocks
Driving down a remote road, a motorist sees a sign that says: "Watch For Fallen Rocks."
A couple of miles of careful driving later, he spots some pebbles and stops to pick a few up. Arriving in the next town, the motorist carries the stones into the highway maintenance office.
Placing them on the counter, he says to an official: "Here are your fallen rocks. Now where's my watch?"
Moshe Reads an Arab Newspaper
A story is told of a Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader.
"Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?"Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I switched to the Arab newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world. The news is so much better!"
