The best jokes (5296 to 5310)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 5296 to 5310. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
A New Co-Worker
A coworker named Celsius recently retired at my work, so they hired a guy named Kelvin to replace him.
He’s the new temp!
Pierced Nipple
At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.
On a related note…
I suck at darts.
Some Sort of Game
My wife said last night: "You treat our marriage like it's some sort of game."
Unfortunately, this cost her 12 points and a bonus chance.
Where Did Larry Go
Moe: "Where did Larry go?"
Curly: "He’s round in front."
Moe: "I know what he looks like, I just wanted to know where he went."
Teacher: Billy, name two prono
Teacher: Billy, name two pronouns.Billy: Who, me?
Teacher: Very good!
A teenage boy and his grandfat
A teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The young man picks up on this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around.Teen says, "Grandpa, they didn't have a whole lot of problems with all these diseases when you were young did they?"
Grandpa replies, "Nope."
Teen says, "Well, what did you guys use for safe sex?"
Grandpa replies, "A wedding ring."
I Used the Dog's Shampoo
I accidentally used the dog's shampoo this morning...
Now I feel like a good boy.
You Might Be a Cop if...
You Might Be a Cop if...
1. People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room.
2. Your idea of a good time is an armed robbery at shift change.
3. You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.
4. You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.
5. You believe prozac should be added regularly to the water system.
6. When you mention vegetables, you're not referring to the food group.
7. You want to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide - getting it right the first time."
8. You call for a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly toward you.
9. You believe anyone who says, "I only had two beers" is going to blow over 150.
10. You walk into places and people think it's high comedy to seize a co-worker and shout, "They've come to get you...".
A New Typeface
I’m working on a new typeface to be used for church bulletins...
I call it 'Baptismal Font.'
How I Felt
After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt.
She felt the same way.
So I turned on the air conditioner.
The woman was happily showing
The woman was happily showing off her new mink coat. "It was nice of your husband to buy you that fur coat," said a friend."He had to," explained the woman. "I caught him kissing the maid."
"Oh, how dreadful," replied the friend,sympathetically. "Well, did you fire her?"
At this, the woman smiled and replied, "Oh no no... you see, I still need a new hat."
As a woman was about to go hom
As a woman was about to go home from a long and stressful day at the office, her cell phone rang. It was her husband."Will you be joining me in the whirlpool bath tonight?" he asked.
"What a lovely way to spend an evening," she thought.
She was about to tell him how considerate he was when he continued, "because if you're not, I need to start adding more water to the tub."
Award Winner
My dentist was voted "Dentist Of The Year"....
He didn't get a trophy, they just gave him a little plaque.
