The best jokes (76 to 90)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 76 to 90. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Frank Sinatra
A guy walked into the restroom at a restaurant in LA, and realized that the guy at the sink washing his hands was Frank Sinatra. He greeted Frank, and told him he was a huge fan. Frank smiled and thanked him. Then he told Frank he was with a date and wanted to impress her. Telling Frank his name was Bob, he asked Frank if he could come and greet him by name at his table. "No problem" said Frank and he went back to his table.About ten minutes later Frank walked up to the table and said, "Hey Bob, long time no see."
Without looking up, Bob said, "Fuck off Frankie, can't you see I'm busy?"
My Old Kentucky Home
An older man at the evening function bowed his head and wept quietly but copiously while while a young woman rendered the plaintive ballad, "My Old Kentucky Home."
The hostess tiptoed up to him and inquired tenderly, "Pardon me, are you a Kentuckian?"
"Nay, madam," the tearful one replied, "I'm a musician."
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed…
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed,Observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.
Since her birthday was not far off
He asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.
'I'd like to be twelve again', she replied,
Still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops,
And then took her to Alton Towers theme park.
What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park;
The Death Slide, the Corkscrew,
The Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there Was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.
Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a Mc Donald's
Where he ordered her a Happy Meal
With extra fries and a chocolate shake..
Then it was off to the cinema with popcorn,
A huge Cola, and her favourite sweets......M&M's..
What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband
And collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile
And lovingly asked,
'Well Dear, what was it like being twelve again?'
Her eyes slowly opened
And her expression suddenly changed.
'I meant my dress size, you idiot!!!!'
Get in shape New Year’s resolution
My New Year’s resolution is to get in shape.
I choose round
Author: Sarah Millican
Body building Program
My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning.
It’s a girl and weighs 7 lbs 12 oz.
Too Many Roaches
Health inspector: "I'm afraid you have too many roaches in here."
Restaurant owner: "How many am I allowed?"
Retaking exam
Four college students missed an important exam, choosing to party instead. They go together to their professor the next day, and said, "We're sorry we missed the exam. We had a flat tire on the way to class. Is there any way we could possibly take a re-test?"
"Sure," replied the professor. "Come on in tomorrow, and you can all take a retest. But remember, it's a pass or fail."
The four students arrived the next day to take the retest, and all of them sat down in their seats. Before handing them their exams, their professor told them, "I've got good news and bad news. The good part is, there's only one question on the test. The bad news is, if any of you fail, you all fail the test."
The students sat there, a bit worried from this professor's strange introduction to the exam. Then the professor handed out the four exams, and each student stared down at their papers, which contained just one simple question:
"Which tire was it?"
Top 10 jokes of the 2023 Edinburgh Fringe
Edinburgh Fringe 2023, the funniest joke: Lorna Rose Treen's zookeeper pun:
"I started dating a zookeeper,
but it turned out he was a cheetah."
~Lorna Rose Treen.
Here are the rest of the top 10 jokes:
"The most British thing I've ever heard?
A lady who said 'Well I'm sorry, but I don't apologise.'"
~Liz Guterbock.
"Last year I had a great joke about inflation.
But it's hardly worth it now."
~Amos Gill.
"When women gossip we get called bitchy;
but when men do it's called a podcast."
~Sikisa.
"I thought I'd start off with a joke about The Titanic
- just to break the ice."
~Masai Graham.
"How do coeliac Germans greet each other?
Gluten tag."
~Frank Lavender.
"My friend got locked in a coffee place overnight.
Now he only ever goes into Starbucks, not the rivals.
He's Costa-phobic."
~Roger Swift.
"I entered the 'How not to surrender' competition and
I won hands down."
~Bennett Arron.
"Nationwide must have looked pretty silly
when they opened their first branch."
~William Stone.
"My grandma describes herself as being in her 'twilight years'
which I love because they're great films."
~Daniel Foxx.
Contortionist Who Passed Away
Did you hear about the contortionist who passed away?
He died in his own arms.
A Pygmy with a club
An adventurer travels through the jungle and is suddenly confronted by an unusual sight: fallen trees and trampled vegetation as if something gigantic has forced its way through. He decides to investigate.After walking for a few minutes, he sees a dead elephant lying on its side and a pygmy jumping up and down with excitement on top of the fallen elephant. The adventurer inquires as to what is going on.
"The elephant, sir," explains the pygmy. "The elephant has gone mad. 'Tis terrible. Elephants are wise and friendly, but when an elephant goes mad, it destroys everything in its path. It cannot be reasoned with, no sir, and it cannot be helped in any way. Unfortunately, when it happens, the elephant has to be put down."
The adventurer inquires, "But how did you kill such a gigantic animal?"
"I killed it with a club," helpfully explains the pygmy.
"It must have been a big club," observes the adventurer.
"Yes, sir, a very big club indeed," says the pygmy. "We have over 300 members!"
A teen boy is buying a pack of condoms for the first time…
A teen boy is buying a pack of condoms for the first time.He sees the price is $10 but when he goes to pay it the register rings it up as $10.65.
“What’s this 65 cents about?” He asks. The cashier says “it’s for the tax.”
“Ah. I was wondering how you keep these things on.”
