Really funny jokes-Unmistakable signs you are a drunk

# You spent Saturday night in jail for cow-pushing — with your Ford V-8
# Although armed with fire extinguishers, your family stood at a safe distance as you blew out your birthday candles.
# Thanks to you, Bourbon Deluxe Bourbon stock is up 15 1/4 since Thursday.
# Vladimir Putin called personally to ask you to slow down on the Stoli.
# For some reason, there's salt on the rim of your basketball goal.
# For the money you spent on Thunderbird, you could've bought the car.
# You're now the proud inventor of the "Slim Jim": Ultra Slim-Fast shakes made with Jim Beam.
# Answering machine full of warnings from Coach Switzer.
# Smirnoff wants to run an ad featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle.
# Dry cleaners and hotel employees greet you with, "Look, it's the Vomit guy!"
# The doorman asks for your identification just to see how long it'll take you to find your pants.
# Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out of your abdominal cavity into a pan of frying onions.
# Worried friends call Monday morning to make sure you returned the goat.
# You have to be told "Drink Canada Dry" is a slogan and not a personal challenge.