Ode to beer

'Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.' - Ernest Hemingway.

'Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.' - Winston Churchill.

'He was a wise man who invented beer.' - Plato.

'Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.' - Catherine Zondonella.

'A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.' - W. C. Fields.

'Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.' - Lady Astor to Winston Churchill.

'Madam, if you were my wife I would drink it.' - Churchill's reply.

'Sir, you're drunk!' - Lady Astor to Winston Churchill.

'Yes madam, and you're ugly. But in the morning I will be sober.' - Churchill's reply.

'If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.' - David Daye.

'When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.' - Henny Youngman.

'Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.' - Benjamin Franklin.

'If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.' - Jack Handy.

'Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.' - Dave Barry.

'The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.' - Humphrey Bogart.

'Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.' - David Moulton.

'People who drink light beer don't like the taste of beer, they just like to pee a lot.' - Capital Brewery, Middleton, Wisconsin.

'Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.' - Kaiser Wilhelm.

'I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.' - Homer Simpson.

'Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.' - Unknown

'I drink to make other people interesting.' - George Jean Nathan.

'They who drink beer will think beer.' - Washington Irving.

'An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.' - Ernest Hemingway in For Whom the Bell Tolls.

'You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.' - Dean Martin.

'All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.' - Homer Simpson.