How to respond to telema...

How to respond to telemarketers

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Alternately, you can tell them, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..." When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your problems.

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell >their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. If they are selling a lawn service to make your grass grow better, tell them it grows to fast now and green is not your favorite color anyway.

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If an insurance company calls trying to get you to sign up for s Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans carpets, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?

9. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream "Oh No!" and then hang up.

12. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

13. Tell them it is dinnertime, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speakerphone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

14. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some food.

15. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

16. Ask the telemarketer if they use the product they are trying to sell. If they do, ask for a complete report. If they don't, ask them why not since it is such a great product.

17. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Alan, playing a joke. "Come on Alan, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your mum?"

18. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up ...louder...louder...louder...

19. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.

20. Tell them that you are busy and ask for their phone number so you can call them back. If they say that they don't give out their phone number or they don't take calls, then ask for the caller's personal phone number at home. If then they say that they don't like being called at home, quickly say "Bingo!" and hang up.