Join us on
WhatsApp
Join us on
Telegram
Join us on
Viber

Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 09 July 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 09 July 2008

A CEO of a large company is se...

A CEO of a large company is seeking advice on whether or not to downsize his company. He turns to his eternally optimistic secretary and asks, "Is this glass half full or half empty?"

Well you know me, she replies, "be thankful for what you have. It's half full!"

He then turns to his eternally pessimistic accountant. "Well, is it half full, or half empty?" He repeats.

"Sir, you know my stance. There can always be more... It's half empty to me."

He then turns to the re-engineering consultant sitting next to him. "Well, you can see my dilemma. What do you think?"

The consultant looks at the half full glass of water, and then looks up at the CEO.

"Well, looks like you've got more glass there than you need."

#joke
Joke | Source: Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (5)

Volunteer fire department...

A fire started on some grasslands near a farm. The county fire department was called to put out the fire. The fire was more than the county fire department could handle. Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called. Despite some doubt that the volunteer outfit would be of any assistance, the call was made.

The volunteers arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They rumbled straight towards the fire, drove right into the middle of the flames and stopped! The firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily-controlled parts.

Watching all this, the farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department's work and was so grateful that his farm had been spared, that right there on the spot he presented the volunteers with a check for $1,000. A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds.

"That ought to be obvious," he responded, wiping ashes off his coat. "The first thing we're gonna do is get the brakes fixed on our fire truck!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 7.17/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (6)

How does a rich girl change a ...

How does a rich girl change a lightbulb?
She says daddy, I need a new apartment.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

On News Year's Eve, a th...

On News Year's Eve, a thin and bony husband is walking around in the house wearing only his boxers.

His wife comes out of the kitchen and says "Hey, the guests are gonna be here any minute. Go and put something on."

"Oh no, I won't," he says. "I want everybody to see how you feed your husband ..."

"Really? Then take your boxers off, too, and show everyone that there's nothing that I should feed you for."

#joke #sport #boxer
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (7)

A guy who knows nothing about ...

A guy who knows nothing about computers calls the technical help line with a problem. He tells them, "My computer says Insert disk #3 -- but only two will fit!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (5)

Insulting To Women


The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

Bangkok, Thailand

A member of the ruling junta who oversees Thai Airways International has ordered the carrier to hire more-attractive stewardesses.

"We have received a lot of complaints that our air hostesses are not pretty enough, too old and unsmiling," Air Chief Marshal Kaset Rojananil said.

In an interview published in "The Nation", the airline has been hiring too many college-educated women, he said, adding: "Intelligent women tend not to be good looking."





#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (12)

Business one-liners 80

It's Not My Job!

It's not hard to meet expenses; they are everywhere.

It's not how good your work is, it's how well you explain it.

It's not the work that gets me down, it's the coffee breaks.

It's out of my control.

Job placement: Telling your boss what he can do with your job.

Join in the new game that's sweeping the country. It's called "Bureaucracy". Everybody stands in a circle. The first person to do anything loses.

Junk mail arrives the day it was sent.

Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

Just about the time when your income gets to the point where food prices don't matter, calories do.

#joke #food #drinks #coffee
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.38/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (8)

the Pharaoh was dictating, and...

the Pharaoh was dictating, and his scribe was busily chipping away at the stone tablet. "I have plans . . . to form," the monarch said slowly, "a personal bodyguard . . . of stalwart . . and virile . . . young men."

The chips flew, but then suddenly ceased flying, and the perspiring chiseler looked up inquiringly, "Excuse me, your Majesty, but is virile spelled with one or two testicles?"

#joke
Joke | Source: Ray Owens' Joke A Day - Making Fun Of Morons Since 1863
  • Currently 6.09/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (11)

Love is Blindness

A little boy was in his room playing with himself, when his father walked in.

"Son! If you masturbate too much, you're gonna go blind!"

"Dad," the boy said, "I'm over here."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 6.14/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (7)

Sport for hungry people

What's the best sport to play if you are hungry?
Squash

#joke #short #food #hungry #sport #squash
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Finding Jesus

An old drunk stumbles across a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.
He proceeds to walk into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, preacher, I sure am."
The minister dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up.
"Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asks."Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up, and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"
"Noooo, I have not, Reverend."
The preacher, in disgust, holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water, and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?"
The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 8.36/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (42)

The quickest way to a man's heart

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

Roseanne Barr (November 3 1952-)

Picture: Kevin Winter/Getty Images

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Hand picked jokes - Daily Jokes hand picked from various locations
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Learning From Teachers

Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."  

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Fishing on the Ark

A Sunday School teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"

"No," replied Johnny. "How could he with just two worms?"

#joke #short #animal #worm #sport #fishing
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 7.87/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (15)

8 Funny jokes to make Monday more bearable

Yesterday I changed a lightbulb, walked into a pub and crossed a road…
My whole life has become a joke!

I got hit in the head with a can of Coke today.
Don’t worry, I’m not hurt. It was a soft drink.

I am looking for someone to brush their teeth with me.
I am really concerned after I found out that 9 out of 10 dentists say brushing alone won't reduce cavities.

I thought it was a real question when the teacher asked me if I knew any words that had all the vowels in order
Turned out it was facetious.

I tried to rob a bank by blowing up the safe.
.hings were going well but there was just one problem.
I bought some cheap dynamite that was advertized as
"The inexpensive explosives that won't break the bank."

A skunk, a deer and a duck went out to dinner and when it came time to pay
The skunk didn't have a scent and the deer didn't have a buck. So they put it on the duck's bill

I recently paid $1 for a wig.
It was a small price toupee.

I used to date a girl who loved to be covered in cheese…
She was a cracker!

#joke #monday #animal #deer #food #dinner #drinks #coke
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 9.22/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (18)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.