Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 15 October 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 15 October 2008

Little Johnny came home from s...

Little Johnny came home from school and his homework assignment was to find out what the difference was between hypothetically and realistically... so he asked his dad.

His dad said, "Well Johnny, go ask your mom if she would sleep with the mail man for $1,000,000.

He went and asked and came back and said, "She said yes".

"Well", said the dad, "Go ask your sister the same question."

He did and came back and said, "She said yes."

And the dad said, "Now go ask your brother the same thing."

He did and came back and said, "He said yes too!"

And the dad said, "Well Johnny, hypothetically we're sitting on three million dollars, realistically we're living with 2 whores and a fag!

#joke

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead

Currently 7.25/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (4)

Bowling ball humor...

I worry about the germs in the holes of bowling balls. Nobody cleans those holes. There are years of impacted pizza fingers in there. Taco fingers. Chicken fingers. I'm amazed those balls still have holes. Ever smell a bowling ball hole? You think the balls are knocking down the pins? You're wrong. The pins are passing out from the smell.

-- Carolyn May

#joke #animal #chicken #food #pizza

Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.

Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (6)

SLIDESHOW #45 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Doctor, doctor, I think I've g...

Doctor, doctor, I think I've gone a funny colour.

Nonsense, it's just a pigment of your imagination.

Denny Crouch, Willowbrae

If you have a joke you'd like to share e-mail: letters_en@ edinburghnews.com

The full article contains 39 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.

Page 1 of 1

#joke #doctor

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day

Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

Girls Night Out!

Girls Night Out!

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they need to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something.

The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, and used them and threw them away.

Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it.

After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls night out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties."

"That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you."

#joke

Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day

Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (3)

A couple were having a picnic ...

A couple were having a picnic in a jungle. Suddenly a crocodile appears and attacks the husband. He cries, "Shoot it, quick!" "I can't!" says his wife. "I'm out of film!"

#joke #short #animal #crocodile

Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.

Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (2)

Can U Read It

Briteesh destraayed avar kantry faar 150 earss. let uss destraay deree laangvedge foryever.... Do yit yand yenjaaay.... :-)

Yeast aar Waist aavar caantry iss da BAIST!!!!!!!!!!

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.

Currently 4.13/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (8)

Billy Ray

Q: What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection?

A: An itchy, twitchy twat.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Glaci

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.

Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (10)

Legless Poodle

What do you call a poodle with no legs?

A sponge.

#joke #short #animal #poodle

Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.

Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (7)

Arthur is 90 years old. HeR...

Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago.

One day he arrives home looking downcast.

“That's it,” he tells his wife. “I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has gotten so bad that once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went.”

His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down, she says, “Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try.”

“That's no good,” sighs Arthur. “Your brother's a hundred and three. He can't help.”

“He may be a hundred and three,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”

So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway.

He turns to the brother-in-law. “Did you see the ball?”

“Of course I did!” replies the brother-in-law. “I have perfect eyesight.”

“Where did it go?” asks Arthur.

“I don't remember.”

Jokes

Quotes

Sayings

#joke #drinks #tea #sport #golf

Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress

Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (8)

TEN GOO...

TEN GOOD EXCUSES FOR FALLING ASLEEP AT YOUR DESK:

"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

"I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."

"I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"

"Amen"

"This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."

"Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"

"I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress."

"This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"

"Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"

"Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

#joke #sport #exercise

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 08 August 2008

Currently 5.88/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (8)

The Rabbi in The confession...

The Rabbi in The confession booth

A priest and a rabbi were talking when the rabbi asked the priest about confession.

"I have an idea," said the priest. Why don't you sit with me on my side of the confession booth and hear it for yourself? No one will ever know.

A woman came into the booth and said, Bless me Father for I have sinned.
The priest asked, "What did you do?"
"I cheated on my husband."
"How many times?"
"Three times."
"Well," said the priest, "Say 5 Hail Marys and put 5 dollars in the offering box."

Another woman came and said, "Bless me Father for I have sinned."

The priest asked, "What did you do?"
"I cheated on my husband."
"How many times?"
"Three times."
Again the priest said, "Say 5 Hail Marys and put 5 dollars in the offering box."

Then the priest said to the rabbi, "would you like to do the next confession?"

The rabbi started to object, but the priest said, "Go ahead. It's easy."
So another woman came in and said, "Bless me Father for I have sinned."
This time the rabbi asked, "What did you do?"
"I cheated on my husband."
"How many times?"
The woman said, "Twice."
Then the rabbi said, "Well go do it again. They're 3 for 5 dollars today."

#joke

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 03 July 2008

Currently 6.60/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (10)

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at
the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy
25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her
youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens
intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At
the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the
trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They
are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to
marry you?' 'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her
you were only 50?' Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'

#joke #blonde

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment

Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

International Day for Monuments and Sites/World Heritage Day jokes

Today is International Day for Monuments and Sites (World Heritage Day)! Find a joke about it!

Why the great pyramids are in Egypt?
Because they were too heavy to carry of to the British museum.

Why was Cleopatra angry?
She was on her pyramid.

I was offered a job building Egyptian tombs
Turned out to be a pyramid scheme

I'm surprised the tower of Pisa hasn't fallen over during the pandemic
Without all those tourists helping hold it up.

Two Americans are visiting Rome Colosseum
"Look at it. How huge and majestic it is."
"Just imagine how great it'll be when they finish building it."

#joke

Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor

Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

Cat was making a joke

A dog thought a cat was making a joke

but he was just kitten!

#joke #short #animal #cat #dog

Joke | Source: John Chris - Funny jokes collected from all around

Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Only Reason You Married Me

After weeks of getting the cold shoulder from his wife, the unhappy husband finally confronted her.
'Admit it, Linda. The only reason you married me is because my grandfather left me $10 million.'
'Don't be ridiculous,' she replied. 'I don't care who left it to you.'

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.

Currently 8.56/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (16)

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