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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 25 December 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 25 December 2008

The new recruit had just arriv...

The new recruit had just arrived at a Foreign Legion post in the desert. He asked his corporal what the men did for recreation.

The corporal smiled wisely and said, "You'll see."

The young man was puzzled. "Well, you've got more than a hundred men on this base and I don't see a single woman."

"You'll see," the corporal repeated.

That afternoon, three hundred camel were herded into the corral. At a signal, the men seemed to go wild. They all leaped into the corral and began to screw the camels.

The recruit saw the corporal hurrying past him and grabbed his arm. "I see what you mean, but I don't understand," he said. "There must be three hundred of those camels and only a hundred of us. Why is everybody rushing? Can't a man take his time?"

"What?!?" exclaimed the corporal, startled. "And get stuck with an ugly one?"
#joke #animal #camel
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

One on EVERY corner!

In the historic first manned mission to Mars, two Astronauts were charting the Martian surface.

"Look at that," said one to the other, "how beautiful this alien landscape is, untouched by man."

At that point, he was cut off, as he found his radio communications knocked out by unknown interference. Using an emissions detector, they followed the source of the interference until they reached the rim of a crater.

"Do you see what the source of that noise is?" asked the first astronaut.

"I don't know," said the second, "but it might be coming from that Starbucks behind you."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 2.83/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (6)

SLIDESHOW #145 - Funny Photo Slideshow

The Drink Scam

L...

The Drink Scam

Larry and Bob wanted to go out drinking, but they only had $2.00 between them. Larry said, "Hang on, I have an idea."

He went next door to the butcher's shop and spent the $2.00 on one large sausage. Bob said, "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!" Larry replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."

They went into the pub where Larry immediately ordered two double shots of Jack Daniels. Bob said, "Now you've lost it! Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money to pay for this!" Larry replied, with a smile," Don't worry - I have a plan. Cheers!" They downed their drinks. Larry said "OK! I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you get on your knees and put it in your mouth." Said and done, the barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, bar after bar, getting more and more drunk, all for free. At the tenth bar, Bob said, "Larry - I don't think I can do this anymore. My mouth is sore and my knees are killing me!"

Larry said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage at the third bar!"

#joke #drinks
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (6)

Fortune cookie saying #45: Yie...

Fortune cookie saying #45: Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (6)

What did Mr and Mrs Snowman pu...

What did Mr and Mrs Snowman put over their baby's cot?
A snowmobile.

Mark Wilson, Joppa
Share your jokes with us by e-mailing letters_ en@edinburghnews.com


The full article contains 32 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

A manager brings a dog ...

A manager brings a dog into a nightclub to work.
The dog is a brilliant piano player.  He plays all the
standards.  He's sitting there, pounding out the tunes,
when all of a sudden, a big dog comes in and drags him
out.  The nightclub owner asks, “What happened?”

The manager says,
“That's his mother.  She wants him to be a doctor.”

#joke #doctor #animal #dog #mother
Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (43)

A man was walking along a Cali...

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up, and rubbed it, and out popped a genie.

The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from this lamp, blah blah blah, yada, yada, yada. I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about the first two. You only get one wish!"

The man sat down, and thought about it for a long while, and then said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very sea sick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed, and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete...how much steel!! No, think of another wish!!"

The man said OK, and tried to think of a really good wish.

Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives have always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, my wish is that I could understand women...know how they feel inside, and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment or walk away...know why they're crying...know what they really want when they say nothing'....know how to make them truly happy...."

The genie replied and said, "Sir, do you want that bridge to Hawaii with two lanes or four"???!!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 12 September 2008
  • Currently 5.73/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (11)

Another...

Another Lesson in Managment

A crow was sitting on a tree doing nothing all day.

A small rabbit saw the crow and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered, "Of course, help youself."

So the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested.

Suddenly a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing you must be sitting very, very high up.
#joke #animal #rabbit #fox
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 11 August 2008
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (9)

The Dog And Neutron


A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."





#joke #short #animal #dog #drinks #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 08 August 2008
  • Currently 5.71/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (7)

Swear words

If you don't know any cool swear words, ask someone from an Ah – Frickin' country.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 1.57/10

Rating: 1.6/10 (7)

Jeff Dunham: Coffee as a Sex-Enhancer?

Walter: My wife and I heard that coffee is good for your sex life. Jeff Dunham: Oh, and is it? Walter: No. It kept me awake for the whole damn thing. I actually had to participate!
#joke #short #drinks #coffee
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.28/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (50)

2 Reasons To Go School

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
"Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me also!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the PRINCIPAL!"

#joke #mother #mom
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 7.91/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (11)

Six Feet

Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband). All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs. "Oh, my God, your husband is home! What am I going to do?"
"Just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he ain't gonna notice you here with me." The fear of getting caught trying to escape was more powerful than the thought of getting caught in bed with Marge, so he trusted her advice. Sure enough, Marge's husband came crawling into bed and as he pulled the covers over him, he pulled the blankets, exposing six feet.
"Honey!" he yelled. "What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!"
"Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again."
Honey!" he yelled. "What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!"
"Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again."
The husband got out of bed, and counted. "One, two, three, four... By gosh, you're right, dear!"    

#joke #food #honey
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (11)

Invisible

A psychiatrist's secretary walked into his study and said, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he's invisible."

The psychiatrist responded, "Tell him I can't see him."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 8.05/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (44)

A couple is trying to have a b...

A couple is trying to have a baby. Finally, the blonde tells her husband, "Honey, I have great news! We're pregnant, and we're having twins!" The husband is overjoyed and says to his wife, "Honey that's wonderful, but how do you know so soon that we're having twins?" She nods her head and says, "Well, I bought the twin pack pregnancy test and they both came out positive!"
#joke #blonde #food #honey
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 9.29/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (7)

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