Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 21 January 2009
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 21 January 2009 |
An out-of-towner becomes frien...
An out-of-towner becomes friendly with Thelma, the waitress in a hotel coffee shop, and invites her up to his room. She is indignant. The guy says, "Don't get excited. This is all in the bible."Thelma is appeased, and after her shift they go out and have a few drinks. Again the man invites her up to his room, and again she is angry. The man explains, "It's in the bible."
An hour later they're in the guys hotel room and he suggests they undress and have some fun. He assures Thelma that it isn't sinful since it's in the bible.
"Where?" she says. "Where does it say that?"
Taking the bible from the nightstand, he opens it to the front cover where someone has written, "Thelma the waitress puts out."
What does a group of supermode...
What does a group of supermodels have in common? Nothing they can think of.Insane Asylum
Late one night at the insane asylum, an inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" Another inmate asked, "How do you know?" "God told me!" A voice from another room suddenly shouted, "I did not!"A paperboy said to a customer one day...
A paperboy said to a customer one day, "Mr. Smith, I wish I had twenty customers like you.""Gosh, that's nice to hear," said Smith, "but I'm kind of surprised considering I never tip all that well and always pay late."
The paperboy said, "I know, but I'd still like twenty customers like you. The problem is I have one hundred and forty!"
A lawyer is standing in a long...
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?" A man and his young wife were...
A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.
After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied...
"Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"
Is it a good baby?
A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor's surgery.
"Why is your stomach so big?" he asks.
"I'm having a baby," she replies.
"Is the baby in your stomach?" he asks, with his big eyes.
"Yes, it is," she says.
"Is it a good baby?" he asks, with a puzzled look.
"Oh, yes. A really good baby," the lady replies.
Shocked and surprised, he asks: "Then why did you eat him?"
Twelve Days Of Fast Food
On the first day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me:
A Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the second day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the third day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the fourth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the fifth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the sixth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the seventh day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the eighth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the ninth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Nine polish hot dogs,
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the tenth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Ten baked potatoes,
Nine polish hot dogs,
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the eleventh day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Eleven pounds of blubber,
Ten baked potatoes,
Nine polish hot dogs,
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Twelve bags of Pepto,
Eleven pounds of blubber,
Ten baked potatoes,
Nine polish hot dogs,
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with Cheese
Whenever
Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there's an idiot pulling a door that says “push” The three wishes
One day, a man was walking down the street when he saw a genie lamp in a nearby alley. Excitedly, he picked it up and rubbed it. A genie came out and said, "I will grant you three wishes, Master!"
The man was so happy, his first wish was, "I want a billion dollars!!!!!!"
"Your wish has been granted, a billion dollars is now in your bank account."
The man was even happier. "I want a beautiful woman!"
"Your wish has been granted," the genie said and a beautiful woman appeared!
"This is great!" said the man. Not wanting to waste his last wish, he decided to think about it for awhile longer. "I can't think of another wish right now, can I tell you later?"
"Make it so, whenever you say your wish, it will be granted."
The next day, the man was driving down the road, as happy as ever. He heard a popular commercial song on the radio and decided to sing along with it.
"Oooooh, I wish I were an Oscar-Mayer weinerrr......"
The other day I held...
“The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.”
Jordan Rubin: German Porno
I got a German porno movie the other day. It has subtitles, which is great cause, otherwise, I would have had no idea what was going on. Six Quick Jokes to Kickstart Your Week with a Smile
Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?
I already have like 50 wooden balls already.
I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym yesterday.
That's 8 years in a row now.
Wife: "I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it!"
Husband: [peeing on jellyfish] "This is for stinging my wife."
I hate it when my wife gets mad at me for being lazy.
It’s not like I did anything!
I have a contact lens problem.
I have no contact lens solution.
My wife rang me at the pub and said, “If you’re not home in 10 minutes, I’m giving the dinner I cooked you to the dog.”
I was home in 5 minutes.
I’d hate for anything to happen to the dog.
