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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 12 March 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 12 March 2009

Knock Knock!
Who's there? ...

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
A little girl.
A little girl who?
A little girl who can't reach the doorbell!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (3)

Q: Why do Can...

Q: Why do Canadians do it doggy-style?


A: So they can both watch the hockey game!
#joke #short #sport #hockey
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Answering Service At The Mental Institute

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Once there was a girl who want...

Once there was a girl who wanted a boyfriend. Her mom wanted to help her, so she set up a blind date for her daughter.

When the girl got back from the date she said "That was the worst night of my life!"

"Why is that?" her mom asked.

"He owns a 1922 Rolls Royce!"

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"He's the original owner mom!"
#joke #mother #mom
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (4)

Match Made in Heaven

A young couple were driving down the road one day, happily, deliriously in love and due to be married the next day. Suddenly, a large truck swerved from the oncoming lanes into their car! BOOM! And they both died.
At the Pearly Gates, the young couple confronted St. Peter. "Sir, you have to help us! We were to be married tomorrow. Is there any way we can be married in Heaven?"
"Hmmm," replied St. Peter, "I don't recall there ever being a marriage in Heaven. Well, let's take it up with God and see what he says."
So they approached God with their plea. God sat for a moment, pondering the request. Then he looked down and said, "Come back in five years and ask me again."
Five years later, the couple approached God again, even more in love than ever and pleading that he allow their marriage. God paused for quite a while, musing over their request. Then he spoke, "Come back in five years and ask me again."
And once again, five years later, the couple was again in the presence of God, more in love than ever and begging God's permission for the third time to marry. This time God smiled broadly and thundered, "Yes my children, you may marry!"
Well, the wedding went off beautifully, the reception was huge, everyone thought the bride was simply breathtaking and the groom was soooo handsome, and everyone was happy! Until...
Two years later, the couple was back before God, and things were not looking so good. The couple had come to the realization almost immediately that although marriages were made in heaven, they didn't last very long there! And, in spite of their struggles to come to terms with the situation, they had decided there simply was no alternative but to get a divorce.
Black clouds fractured by lightening rolled across the sky, and the ground shook with explosive thunder. God glared down at the tiny couple before him, his face becoming dark and angry, and he roared, "Divorce?! Impossible!!! It took us TEN years just to find a priest in Heaven! Do you have any idea how long it will take to find a LAWYER?!!"

#joke #lawyer #wedding #bride #divorce
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.77/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (44)

A wealthy lawyer was riding in...

A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost a foot high!"
#joke #lawyer #food #eating
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 6.29/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (7)

Angry boss: Clear out your des...

Angry boss: Clear out your desk and go! You're fired! Employee: But I haven't done anything! Boss: Exactly ... that's why I'm firing you!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

I Get No Respect 04


"I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said... Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said.. No..I hate myself now."
"I had a girlfriend that was so fat her belly button made an echo."
"I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had her own postal code."
"I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had a dress with a sign on the back saying...Caution Wide Load."
"My girlfriend was so fat her clothes were made by Omar the tent maker"
"One day I ran into my girlfriend with my car. She asked me why I didn't ride around her. I told her that I didn't think I had enough gas"
"I had a girlfriend that was so fat her bikini was made out of two bed sheets."
"I knew a girl that was so ugly that... her mother ripped in two when she had her."
"I knew a girl that was so ugly that... She uses a septic tank for a toilet."

#joke #mother
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.78/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (9)

Where are we?

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee,

"Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are...very slowly?"

The employee leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing."

#joke #food #lunch
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (41)

Waiter! Bring me a crocodile s...

Waiter! Bring me a crocodile sandwich . . . and make it snappy!
#joke #short #animal #crocodile #food #sandwich
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 2.91/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (11)

Bad Day at Technical Support

Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape

keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the

middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the

Program Manager."

Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."

Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."

Customer: "What do you mean?"

Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."

Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.86/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (7)

up, comedians, funny videos, d...

up, comedians, funny videos, dane cook, mike birbiglia, eugene mirman, demetri martin, jeff dunham, katt williams, daily joke, joke of the day, funny jokes, yo mama, jokes, redneck, blond, george bush, bush, lawyer, favorite, list, animal, college, dumb
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.04/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (49)

The woman entered the room, an...

The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips, she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner.
The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach.
Locking his steely grey eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft murmurs of assurance.
He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly released her from her constraining attire. With a sigh of surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to unleash her bare flesh. He expertly guided her through this tender, new territory, boldly taking her to heights she had never dared to dream of, his movements deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her every need.
Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching desire that had gone unfulfilled for so long. And, just as it seemed that ecstasy was within her grasp, he paused, and for one heart-stopping moment, she thought, "It's too big! - it will never fit!"Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into place as if it had been made only for her. As pleasure and contentment washed over her, she met his steady gaze, tears of gratitude shining in her eyes.
And he knew it wouldn't be long before she returned. Oh, yes, this woman would want more. She would want to do it again and again and again...
Don't you just love shopping for shoes?
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Doctor told me I was going deaf

Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf...

I haven’t heard from him since

Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.73/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (22)

Dear John

Dear John,

I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool, nobody can take your place. I love you.

All my love,

Judi xxxxoooxxxx

P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's lottery.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (16)

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