Jokes of the day for Thursday, 07 May 2009
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 07 May 2009 |
Q: Why do wom...
Q: Why do women have orgasms during sex?A: They always need something to moan about.
Laws
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee..An Englishman, an Irishman and...
An Englishman, an Irishman and an Australian walk into a bar.The barman says, "Is this some kind of bloody joke?"
Church Bulletin Bloopers
- The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
- Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
A big time Wall Street Broker ...
A big time Wall Street Broker moves to the country to become a chicken farmer. He purchases a small farm, and orders 1500 chicks from the local feed store. About three weeks later, he orders 2000 more chicks from the feed store. After another three weeks, he orders 2500 more chicks.The feed store owner says to the broker, your chicken farm must really be growing.
The broker replies that its not growing too well, I am either planting them too deep or too far apart.
Actual newspaper headlines....
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down JaywalkersSafety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Farmer Bill Dies in House
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Stud Tires Out
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84
War Dims Hope for Peace
If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
What happened when the shopper...
What happened when the shopper left her vegetables in the library?Great hooters
Sally (a blonde) was seen going into the woods with a small package and a large bird cage. She was gone several days but finally she returned. Her friend, Liz, never saw Sally looking' so sad.Liz, "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay...but you look so sad. Why??"
Sally, "Cause I just can't get a man."
Liz, "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods."
Sally, "Don't be so silly. I know that. But I went in the woods cause I needed something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find it."
Liz, "I don't understand what you're talking about."
Sally, "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird cage."
Liz, "So, how's that going help you get a man."
Sally, "Well, I heard the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hooters."
The Aging Explorer
A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had. The old explorer said, Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gunbearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leapt toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself. The reporter said, Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same. The old explorer said, No, not then - just now when I went ROARRRR!Detecting Indian flatbread
I say my secret superpower is detecting Indian flatbread in any given room.
My friends all say it's naan-sense.
Author: woodybuzzes reddit user.
Dan Mintz: Science Project With Dad
When I was eight years old, I had to do a science project, but my dad just did it for me. I didnt contribute at all. I think the teacher kind of figured it out when the project was called, Is My Wife Cheating on Me? 
